No Sex Please, We're Australians

Somehow I managed to overlook the fact that my flight got in at 1030pm to Bangkok and didn't leave until 1230pm - rather than a two hour stopover I had 14 ... Faced with the rather horrific prospect of spending the night in the terminal I investigattd the possibility of dropping into town - at first it appeared that it would be quite difficult then I realised I could literally just walk out and check in the next day. Which was good, I guess. However, considering that it was half past midnight on a Saturday before actually mat into town (my non English speaking cab driver drove half way out and then drove back to the airport to pick up his friend ...) and I was informed that the one place I remembered - the New Orleans inspired Khao San Rd was starting to close up because there was a big buddha day on Sunday the only place where I could expect any light entertainment would be the red light district. I don't deny that I was very curious p having missed the ubiqutuitous Bangkok sex show on my previous visit but it wasn't all that it was cracked up to be. Don't get me wrong - darts, ping pong balls, cigarettes, razor blades, Lisa McCuneish dual action (ie eerily unerotic) - to some extent it was a bit embarrassing to watch, in other ways it was quite fascinating but a lot of the 'acts' seemed to be pretty generic magic tricks with hidden ribbons and paraphenalia - they just happened to use the genitalia. Crossed off my list - thank God. As fatigue had been creeeping up on me rather steadily I didn't want to stay out very long but found the taxi drivers increasingly desperate to hook me up with some prostitutes - the next bar they took me too was a brothel that served drinks. All I wanted was a Thai massage, a banana pancake and some pineapple - guess you can't get everythingat 3 in the moring - even in bangkok. Shortly after this I got fed up and demanded to be taken back to the airport but once again I found myself having females from all over the Asian empire pressed upon me - this time in a really creepy alley that had literally hundreds of streetwalkers lined up with scores of cars slowly cruising by - all with glaring headlights and my taxi driver and his mate gaping at every one. That city has a sordid side.