Thursday, 31 July 2008

Live Fish Caught At Record Depth! Killed!

The statement by Dr Shillito is  classic, he says: "We urgently need to find out more about the place we are destroying."
... and we do that by capturing it in the deep and killing it on the surface (after looking at it under pressure ... for a little while).

Life Imitates Art

I don't know whether to laugh or cry but this bear with a jar stuck on its head is not something I ever expected to ever see.

Cycling Style Etiquette

Well, it seems that I'm not only cool ... but "Euro-cool" ... whatever the hell that means ...
Last line is 'I don’t write these rules, I only live by them' ... well, I do one better than that - I follow them (at least the ones that count) but am unaware of them ...

Tuesday, 29 July 2008

Hard Core?

If I'm going to drag myself out of bed at a quarter to six on a freezing, rainy day then so should the damned SCC.  Perhaps I didn't wait around long enough but 5 minutes was enough.

The Day A Bad Movie Was Released And The Earth Stood Still

Now, I'm not a movie snob.  At least I don't think I am.  I keep an open mind for all films – whether they're from France or America (sometimes even India), whether they cost $10k or $400m to make and whether a film was made in the 20s or the noughties, it shouldn't really impact on whether it is any good or not.  I understand that films from the silver age or the golden age don't quite meet the modern expectation for realistic portrayals of human behaviour.  Films from the past were often a bit more 'theatrical' and could seem staged when compared to more recent films where everyone tries to be a 'method' man.  It is a certainty that the medium of film has become a lot more sophisticated in recent years but that doesn't stop film makers from producing dreck.  That said, I'm quite lost by the classicification of 'The Day The Earth Stood Still'.

Admittedly, the main reason for me seeking this one out was because I wanted to have a good frame of reference for watching the remake that's due to hit cinemas this year (or next?).  Already the internet has spoken of its utter disgust at having Keanu play Klaatu in the remake – Keanu doesn't have the gravity to play such an important character.  Well, now I can say that I've seen 'The Day The Earth Stood Still' and I can't think of any reason why we couldn't have Keanu Reeves playing that role.  Hell, that role could be played by Jim Carrey if you want it to be commensurate with Michael Rennie's version.   

But really, this film is not failed by the acting (which isn't that bad really) but ultimately by the directing and, more importantly, the script.  Yes, it has a strong message that peace is THE way (which is a good message) but, come on, it is so bafflingly bad.  It's like a film version of a children's book.  The message is so unrealistic that it cannot be taken seriously.  I cannot believe, even at the height of cold war tension, that if an alien spaceship landed in Washington the world's leaders wouldn't drop everything and at least listen to what he has to say.  Even the most trigger happy soldier wouldn't shoot a visiting alien unless it was in retaliation.  I am aware that the whole aim of the film is to point a finger at humanity's aggression and paranoia but it's done in such a simplistic manner as to make it unbelievable.  And that squanders any plausibility that the message might have.  And let's not forget the hypocrisy of the message in the first place – we live in the era of the 'unjust war' – sometimes it's right to go in with guns and sometimes it's not.  Life is not so simple that we can just tell someone to give up their weapons and their wars.  Wars are started for bad reasons and noble reasons and just because an all powerful alien tells us to stop doesn't mean that we should.  It sounds a lot like a super power meddling in the affairs of a conflict that it doesn't properly understand.   

PS – Why does the soldier burst into Klaatu's hospital room to discover him gone when in the previous shot he just strolled up to the door?  Can you explain that one to me, Arthur C Clarke? 

John Cougar Melloncat

LOL ... a cat to lead the revolution of the Evil Melon.

Monday, 28 July 2008

Darth Vader Feels Blue

I've seen plenty of Star Wars redeux's thus far and for the most part they're pretty tired but this is f**king gold ...

Friday, 25 July 2008

Rain, Rain, Go Away!

Wet weather is the cause of and solution to most of life's problems. Well, maybe not the solution. Nor the cause.
Confidentials being confidential mean I'm probably just getting stressed for no reason - the SCC's proving to be a somewhat enjoyable reason for getting out of bed in the NZ time zone - I know you're allowed to call 'Mechanical' when you've got a bike failure but is 'Medical' a valid reason to stop the bunch? The cold weather caused my contact lens to pop out and after rolling off and fixing myself up I tried to catch up but after about 10 minutes of attacking I realised I had absolutely no idea where they were other than the fact that they were definitely not on the road I was on - got lost on the way home too. Still, a fair amount of riding in recent days means that I'm starting to form the basis of a training schedule - haven't done any bunches in the rain, I'm still far happier to do the wet stuff on my own but we'll see how it goes. Post fambly visit drinks at the Polo Lounge (did you say cocktail attire? I thought you meant 'courier'), stole a nametag, praised a young gentleman who gave me a beer (after introducing myself as the editor of a fairly substantial website he paused and then said, 'Hey! You're my boss!'), fought off Carl Williams for the hand of my lady friend and then beat the taxi home. Wet weather has, once again, delayed my childhood dream of flying but not before I got half drowned in getting half way there. C'est la vie.


I don't know if I'm all too comfortable with this road racing ...

Wednesday, 23 July 2008

He's gonna make it!

What?  Did you think pancreatic cancer with an estimated 5% survival rate could stop THE Swayze?

Monday, 21 July 2008

Make your own f**king sandwich!

Oh, you ate mine ... hmm.

More Flying

I Don't Have A Death Wish, I Have A Life Wish

That's one of the nicest things that somebody's ever said about me.  It is true that I might try to jam too much stuff into the limited number of hours that are in the day (or the short life that we have on this Earth for that matter) and as such things get missed and some things get done in a half arsed manner.  The last weekend was no exception and I found myself unfortunately skipping a movie that I was at least half curious in seeing in order to do some much needed Zen and the Art but was very glad to find that the tin stock I found in a Castlereagh St hardware store was more than suitable for fixing the ongoing stem slippage problem that Puck has been suffering - as such going down hills is that much easier (although I still found myself being overtaken by just about every other rider in the Sydney Cycling Club on the descent into Watsons Bay, including the sextagenarians (that's only my guess) but still kicked some corporate ass on the way up and races are always won by the climbers (so I've heard).  Did manage to lose them (they evidently go to a different coffee shop on Saturdee) but that meant I got to spend more time with my lady friend so I shan't complain this time.  An old beer keg that was apparently stolen by my brother about 12 years ago found itself reincarnated in the form of a spit roasting barbecue and delectable meats were charred and rested in aid of the birthday celebrations of a certain friend of mine although late nights and early starts took their toll. 
Despite having secured a date with Pope Benedict XVI on Sunday along with the other 400,000 local and international Catholics (and others curious about the largest collection of people in Australian history celebrating the greatest delusion in world history) I found that this event clashed with an alternative once in a lifetime experience (well, fairly exciting opportunity anyway) of going for a low flight around my favourite city in the world - it seems that its de rigeur for EVERYBODY in the social flying industry to make jokes about the slim chances of making it back but it was a fairly relaxing and incredibly scenic way of seeing the sprawl of Sydney.  Chances of me taking up this hobby are very unlikely but it's a great way to spend a Sunday.

Champagne Comedy

Come Fly With Me

I missed a date with the pope for this ...

Friday, 18 July 2008

Wednesday, 16 July 2008


I've met that guy ...


I was hoping that this was a story about Phoenix finding the Beagle on Mars ... but it's not.


Six o'clock starts have never been my thing (ever).  So God knows why I've decided that joining a cycling club would be a good thing - well, the only way one can get a racing licence is by joining a "registered" club and getting real interest from the unherded cats was not forthcoming and, hey, I built a road bike for speed and I'd like to be able to see how I go up against the weekend warriors so there weren't really many options.  I also can't really complain about the meeting point considering it's 2 minutes from my house.  In any event, rocking up in the pitch black to meet up with a bunch of riders in order to bunch ride with them isn't the way any sane person should be spending the hours between 6 and 7am.  On the Tuesday managed to find the Sydney Cycling crew without too much effort and was graciously allowed to hide in the back and try to decode the etiquette of bunch riding (it seems that it's de rigeur to shout a lot and point at things on the road - it also appears that red lights are for stopping [who'd have though???]).  Initial ride was not terribly taxing - a pretty fast dash out to La Perouse and back but I have to say that I prefer riding around cars than bikes.  It feels very sketchy to ride on someone's back wheel with only a few feet from the guy next to you - two tonnes of steel hurtling beside me just seems safer than 5 kilos of carbon.  Strange. 
Day II was even sketchier - for some reason I found myself jumping onto the back of the "fast group" - it just seemed preferable to ride with 2 people rather than a dozen - once again, keeping up wasn't really a big problem - the up hills weren't too bad but the descents were, quite frankly, terrifying.  Crappy roads and a handlebar stem that keeps slipping meant on several occasions I was riding brakeless for far longer than I wanted to be - one not so nice moment saw me taking a side street as an exit ramp when I was hurtling down South Dowling (I think it was South Dowling Street anyway).  But hey, that can be fixed.  Slight tension in the legs and nasty feelings in my chest from over exertion on the ascents notwithstanding all in all, feel pretty good.  Let's hope the courier nickname doesn't get resurrected.  Huzzah.

The First Step To Enlightenment Is Knowing That You Know Nothing

Ho Ho!  Interesting and unexpected take on the idea that the one thing we really know about genetic is that we don't really know anything.  The more we learn the more we realise that we don't have a f**king clue as to what genes actually do to behaviour.;jsessionid=918F5EA11D6A520700A9C49251EDBF6C.w6?a=203381&f=28&single=1

Tuesday, 15 July 2008

Police State?

Now, at last check I considered myself an atheist but I find the extreme objections to World Youth Day kind of petty. 

This is a WORLD event.  Not too different from  APEC, the Olympics or the World Cup - there is a great deal of attention to the fact that Christians (and Catholics at that) only represent a fraction of the population yet the city is being shut down on behalf of them.  I have to say I was pretty annoyed at the security measures that took away several of my City-North Sydney routes when Dick Cheney came to visit but I understood that these were measures designed to protect a high profile figure (annoying as it was). 

Whenever a world event comes to a city there's always a great deal of resistance from groups who just don't have any interest in the subject.  When the Olympics came to Sydney in 2000 there was a great deal of community backlash from those who weren't too interested in sport - there was whining about the crowds who were inevitably going to crush the city, the pressures on the public transport system and the sections of the city that were going to be closed off for the various events.  In the end a fair number of Sydney siders ended up vacating the city for the period - when they came back a fair swathe of them were rather disappointed that they missed the party.  I don't even like watching sport but I can tell you that in the end I had a pretty fantastic time.

Christians invading a city is a pretty harmless event - it's not as if we're living in the dark age of Jerusalem or the Spanish invasion of South America when a Christian invasion was something to really worry about.  I can't imagine that the pilgrims are going to be much pillaging or cause social unrest - at worst, their singing could stretch the patience somewhat.  I'd much prefer happy-clappers to the football hooligans we're aiming to invite for World Cup Sydney in 20XX.

The anti-annoyance laws are a fair call as long as they're being implemented fairly (of which there is no legal guarantee that is for sure) but one can only hope that the people who will be charged under these "draconian" laws will be those who deserve it.  And there will be protesters deliberately trying to be as annoying as possible in order to get arrested (thus vindicating their cause).  Yes, there are legitimate protests against Christianity (not the least of which is that the entire operation is one HUGE scam) and they will be conducted but deliberate interruption of the event can and should be prevented.  Like it or not, the city and the country has invited these people and they deserve to be treated like guests.  Even if we are allowed to laugh at the delusions.

Friday, 11 July 2008

Thursday, 10 July 2008


After a convoluted process of trying to get my AdSense account properly hooked up with other online identities I've finally managed to work out the riches this blog has brought me.  The popularity of evilmelon is such that my click revenue has amounted over the past three years to a staggering $2.63.  I think it's time for a celebration.

Monday, 7 July 2008

Shut Up And Race!

And while you're at it ... Get Ready ... For Mach 3!!!

Sunday, 6 July 2008

Last Man Standing (in Low Fi!!!)

Older or Younger

Time comes and time goes but some things stay the same - finally managed to catch up with my young Slovakian cousin who's having a bit of an international trip down this neck of the woods - the pre-organised Supper Club gig proved to be a somewhat suitable venue for checking out the music of times gone by, whilst the clientele may have proved to be a somewhat older demographic the music would have to be some of the better stuff I've been exposed to by my ladyfriend.  Mr Bridie may have been greying a little but his voice is still unmistakably Australian rock and what better way of exposing a Slovakian to the cultural benefits of God's country than that.  Annoying coked up homosexuals aside it was a fine night on the town and it was almost worth the next day's hangover to experience it.  Puck got his first real workout (sans me) although I was a little disappointed with the handlebar issue that continues to plague his perfection - there's got to be a way of sorting this out but whether it happens sooner or later I know that as long as I know his limitations he'll be fine.

Thursday, 3 July 2008

Finishing School

A process that started some time in February has finally reached it's satisfactory conclusion.  Puck, the bicycle that potentially could send me to road racing glory, is now finished.  Gears, brakes and a bling colour scheme - what more do I need? 
Well, quitting smoking might help ...

Wednesday, 2 July 2008


Who would have thought that all the hours I've clocked in honing my skills as a professional Wii bowler would not translate to the real world?  Despite bowling an almost perfect game in the digital world (well, a 259 or something) my first foray onto the wood since gaining my pro status resulted in nothing but broken nails and a score that Barack Obama would not have been proud of.  Perhaps I should take a run for the presidency ...