Wild Burger Blues

19 February - A couple of hours riding around Broadway looking for a place to have a coffee and, later, a bit of shopping were what occupied me today. Nowt terribly exciting but did have dinner with Mark and Joel (apparntly the 'l' is silent and he prefers Joe or even Joseph) again at Stormin Normans ... again. The hamburgers are pretty good there and I like the concept of eating wild animals but the people are just excruciating. From the guy who occasionally plays way too loud open-mic night music in the corner to the waitresses who upsell upsell upsell (would you like an extra patty? No, would you like some garlic mayoinaise? No. An extra slice of cheese? Upgrade your fries to poutine? No, no, no!!! Please leave me alone! - they have an interestingpricing policy ... $6.95 for a hamburger which consists of a bun and a patty from some unlucky wild animal and after that everything is at a cost, $2 for an extra patty, $1 for cheese, $1.5 for mushrooms, $1 for garlic mayonaisse etc, essentially one is paying $5 for a bread roll and a little one at that), and Norman himself, the obtuse chef who cooks the burgers, sends them out to you so that you have to take them back to the salad bar which is right next to the grill and counter (why not just tell me its ready and i'll come up???) and then will not leave you alone when your trying to complete your hamburger. He keeps on messing around with it putting other toppings on with his hands and then grabbing it with his bare hands to squeeze the whole thing together. I know behind the kitchen doors chefs do all manner of things to food - adjustingthe appearance with their fingers, licking it to make sure it tastes right, spitting on it and leaving it under their armpit for two minutes if you've somehow earned their wrath (i've read Down and Out In paris And London and Kitchen Confidential so i'm fairly confident of my expertise in this area) but the point is that all this does happen behind CLOSED doors. Out of sight, out of mind. However, once you have given the food to me it is no longer the chef's work in progress but it now MY meal. And I don't like people putting their filthy f**king fingers all over my f**king food! Tonight I tried to avoid the controversy altogether by ordering the Buffalo steak which would not require a visit up to the fixings bar so I could avoid all contact with mr norman altogether. However, the wiley Norman must have realised the motivation behind my ordering somethingother than a hamburger so he overcooked it in retribution. Always one step ahead ...