Impressions of my pre-stepmother

I'm really not looking forward to returning to London now - six days of not even being allowed to take a plate back to the kitchen and being fed some of the best home-cooked food i've had since ... I can't even remember when (although mum did cook me a mean seafood stew sometime earlier in the year).
I'm not sure if it's her Russian heritage or her extended Slovakian lifestyle that has made her into such a determined cook, in the time that I was there I ate:
Day 1 - D - Slovakian vegetable soup and hungarian goulash with apple and coconut cake (all home made)
Day 2 - B - Slovakian sausages with toast
L - German pork chops topped with scrambled eggs, peanuts and cheese with mash (possible one of the best dishes i've ever had)
... Then I went to Bardejov and ate very well but that is for another tale as I returned for the pasta party and the less said about that food the better ...
Day 4 (Marathon) - Ham and eggs and toast (as irina said, you eating cereal and I do not think that is so good)
L - at a restaurant which was okay
D - Siberian pelmene (giant ravioli) with mustard sauce (i not like to eat at restaurant, I make at home so much better [and she does!!])
Day 5 - B - Eggs scrambled with onion mushroom and bacon and toast
L - Chicken soup and Slovakan capsicum filled with meat, rice and onions
D - jewish chicken (kosher?) with bulgarian salad
...
I can't cook for myself after this - what were M&D thinking allowing me to stay over here for so long? And I always get servings twice as big as hers and more besides - when she gives me two pieces of cake, if I try to push one onto her because I simply can't eat anymore she gives me a look as if i'm crazy, 'I cannot eat this, I cannot, you must!'
And it didn't just stop at food, i'm not allowed to help with washing up (i think there are jobs for the man and there are jobs for the woman) or do any of my own ironing (she just laughed at me, Ironing? You? That is good, it is a joyke [joke]) ... If she was an older babushka like Aunty Maria (and the world would be a far, far worse place without babushkas like Aunty Maria) this kind of behaviour would be condoned and even welcomed but she's completely glam (the bathroom is a bit overwhelming for me and she owns more pairs of shoes than mum does if that's possible!) due to her Soviet fashion technology training (?) and fashion orientattd career - she's just a little red-haired superwoman.
Admittedly, there have been moments of tension on my part (she's a worse channel surfer than the male Cucvaras and every room in the house has a large ticking clock including one that chimes throughout the entire flat every hour) and on hers (she get very angry at the fact that Kitsunya, the long haired slug with a cats face, spends too much time in my room and has threatened to send her off with me (if she spends time with you I don’t love her anymore and I get rid of her!)) but on the whole it's been a fantastic week.
Before I left I stayed at Chez Collins and was woken up in the morning by the wonderful Kate bearing gifts of pastry and coffee and I exclaimed how utterly fantastic it was and Kate remarked, 'Yes, Sax, you need a wife!' and I heartily agreed at the time but I think a pre-stepmother will do ...