Hang Up and Drive

This article was stolen from wired. Sub bicycle for motorbike and think of me.
Tony Long02:00 AM Nov. 24, 2005 PTI was riding my motorcycle to workone morning a few months ago whenthe car in front of me stopped. Cold.The woman behind the wheel had aphone to her ear, but she also hadthe green light. There wasn't anytraffic to speak of and there wasnobody in front of her. In otherwords, she stopped for absolutely noreason at all (except, probably, forwhatever it was someone had justwhispered into her shell-like ear).Although I was at the speed limit, herstopping was so completelyunexpected that I didn't have time toride around her, which would havebeen the usual evasion tactic. Mychoices: Dump the bike or visit herback seat. I hit the brakes and downI went, ass over teakettle. I nevertouched her. I landed on top of thebike, fortunately, emerging with abadly bruised elbow (not to mentiona rip in my leather jacket) and apretty nasty welt on my upper thigh.The motorcycle got beaten up prettygood but everything was put right forabout $400 -- more than the bikeitself is probably worth.As I looked up, with murder in myheart, off she went, oblivious to whathad just happened behind her. I hopethat phone call was her boyfriend,dumping her.Even before the accident, mymotorcycle was no gleaming machine-- no snarling, customized Harleywith the chrome pipes polished towithin an inch of its owner's life. It'san '86 Honda Shadow. At 500cc, it'snimble enough for city riding whilepacking enough power for the road,as long as the road isn't too long.The seat's kinda ripped up, there'ssome rust and it's got its share ofdings and dents. But it runs OK, costsabout $4 at the gas pump and, bestof all, you can park it pretty muchwhere you like.It's also a freakin' death trap.The most hard-core biker -- even thebiggest fat guy straddling the baddesthog -- knows that riding a motorcycleis inherently dangerous. There's nosuch thing as a "minor" motorcycleaccident, aside from maybe droppingthe bike on your foot. We know this,but we accept the risk of riding.Why? Well, some of us are probablyjust stupid. There's the thrill factor,of course, and it is fun. It's alsorelatively cheap, you can maneuverthrough heavy traffic and you alwayslook cooler than even the coolestdude in his Euro sports car. Becauseyou are cool, and he's just a loserwho dropped 60 grand on a penisextender. It's also about the ultimate freedomof the open road, but that's notwhere we're going today. Let's talkabout death on the open roadinstead, and how the evolvingtechnology makes the biker's life --all our lives, in fact -- more fraughtwith danger than ever before.One of the things that makes riding amotorcycle so dangerous is that thepeople out there in their cars don'tsee you. It's the first thing they tellyou in motorcycle school:"Remember, drivers don't see you."The instructors should consideradding another warning: "They don'thear you, either, because they're toobusy yapping on their cell phoneswhen they should be paying attentionto what's going on around them."Why is it that only a handful of states have made it illegal to talk on thephone while driving? Driving is notsomething you do as an afterthought,OK? You're hurtling down the roadbehind the wheel of a 3,000-poundvehicle (more like 7,000 pounds inthat idiotic destroyer of worlds, theHummer) and it doesn't take aphysicist to figure out that if you hit ahuman being -- astride a motorcycle,riding a bicycle or on foot -- you'regoing to do some damage.And it doesn't take a rocket scientistor an IT guy or a professional pokerplayer to understand that anythingyou do -- like talking on the phone --that distracts you from the businessof driving increases the chances ofcausing a serious accident.So do everybody a favor and turn offyour cell phone while you drive. (It'sOK. Your important life can waitwhile you zip over to the mall.) If youhave to make a call this very minute,pull over. This ain't exactly brainsurgery, but it might help preventsome of it, you know?Then there are the vehiclesthemselves. Hummers aside, haveyou seen the size of some these,these ... well, when Paw drove totown we used to call them pickuptrucks. Now? Pickup trucks onsteroids, maybe. (A truck that seatssix adults: What genius dreamed thatone up?)They're huge. They ride high. Toohigh. There's a hood the size ofRhode Island out in front of you,blotting out the sun. It makes it evenharder to see what's out there. If itwas easy to miss a biker when youwere driving your Volvo stationwagon, well, try checking your fieldof vision in one of thesemesomorphic babies. Of course,you're probably so busy cranking upthat Slayer CD that you'd missSonoma Sammy at full throttle on hisFatboy. RIP, Sammy.Car manufacturers are also tartingup their vehicles with all sorts ofthings that, when used like mosthumans tend to use them, distractyou from watching the road. GPS(What? You can't pull over and reada map?), high-end sound systemsrequiring your full attention tooperate and -- what in God's namewere they thinking? -- in-dash videomonitors: These have no place in amotor vehicle. Cars exist to conveyyou from one place to another. Theyare not concert halls or TVbabysitters for cranky children.(Teach the kid to read. Better yet,teach him to love to read, then givehim a book, fer crissake.)What about the motorcyclesthemselves? They're bigger, fasterand more dangerous than ever. Whywould anyone want to ride amotorcycle capable of doing 150mph? So they can scrape you off theroad with a spatula instead ofdumping you in a body bag?But the motorcyclist's No. 1 nemesisremains the inattentive driver. Solisten up: Your job as the driver is todrive. Period. Your attention isfocused on what's happening outside,not inside. Period.- - -Tony Long is Wired News' copy chief.He carries a titanium plate and sixscrews in his left shoulder from aprevious motorcycle "mishap."

Corporate Art

25 November - Got into town really early this morning but there was no-one at the other end for about 29m - at least had a chance to drink my coffee and enjoy the swinging pendulum feature inside 885. One thing I’ve noticed in Vancouver is that there is a lot of abstract corporate and government funded public art - and for the most part, it is really good. I'm not the biggest fan of corporate sponsored art in public for the most part. Usually, to me, it's pretty soulless in appearance to begin with and the fact that it was conceptualised as a tax write off doesn't add to the allure. Sometimes it can be really pleasant but I usually find it a wank. Maybe its because i'm just in a foreign country and I want to see the best in everything but I really like the public art in Vancouver. There is a fantastic upside down house near the waterfront which is a bit stylised but is makes an incredible viewing in its place down near the waterfront. My favourite would have to be the swinging peulum in 885 though it's enormous, about 39m long and a metre thick and it's suspended from the roof and swings just a few metres from the ground over a base the same shape as it. It looks like a supporting beam for the roof but it's not connected to anything. It's really very unnerving.
When the dispatcher's finally came on I found it was a little bit slow early on although got busier when it started to rain. I think all the corporatts were suddenky reminded of homuch they dislike couriers when it started to get drizzly and so decided to punish us by making us busy in the worst conditions. Did have the pleasure of seeing my apprentices out in the streets on a couple of occasions riding away with complete confidence in their new jobs, all thanks to my expert guidance, of course. Afterwards went to Wendys with Stu, my co-worker who will talk for hours without letting anyone get a word in edgeways if he's allowed, for some quickly digested comestibles and then I ent down to the Brickyard for a few beers with some other coworkers. I only stayed for three beers but it was going to be a very long one for some of them that night. Some live the most terriblly unhealthy lives. They chain smoke, even while riding, they drink from the afternoon (lightly) through to the late evening and beyond (heavily) and some are almost permanently chemically enhanced (or more likely chemically crippled). A lot of them ar almost constantly partying and some of them have been doing this for 25 years!

Another Apprentice

24 November - Ended up heading out to Burnaby (east of where I live) to the party at mark's friend;s house. I rode out there because it wasn't far although the fog was very heavy so I went as slowly as possible (also didn't want to be all sweat at the other end). Had a very enjoyable time - couldn't stay too long because it was a school night. One of the girls had brought Absinthe along and I wowed everyone with my intimate knowledge of the green fairy and all of the ways to imbibe the noxious fluid. Generally, a pretty young crowd which was probably the reason why they were all forcing down as much alcohol as they could in as short a time as possible but on the whole very nice (i realised my age when the topic of favourite movies came up and one girl adamantly said that the best movie ever made was 'A Knights Tale'). Maybe its a Canadian thing.
Got home in the thick fog again - it was very easy to get back, just down one very long street but the fog was so thick that I had to keep on stopping to get a better look at the street signs - completely invisible whilst in motion.
Waking up wasn't too hard, mainly because I woke up from dehydration and with a headache but managed to make my into town where I met my new apprentice. Actually, it was a girl, Crystal, who'd asked me if Novex was looking for couriers on Tuesday. Thy'd got her started pretty quickly because she had quite a lot of experience as a courier in Edmonton (small city somewhere east of here ... Still not good with the geography) but she didn't know Vancouver very well and needed to learn how to use the equipment. She basically trailed me all day - for the most part I just got her to use my Blackberry and do most of the radio calls. We got split up a couple of times when it got pretty busy so she could go and do some extra jobs and at the end of the day she minded the bikes while I ran into the building, saving us valuable seconds with not having to lock up the bike. She'll be out on her own tomorrow - it feels quite strange to be teaching people how to do something that i've only been doing for a few weeks. But, as i've said on many an occasion, it's not rocket science.
PS - Yesterday something exciting did happen - I won a Mars bar. Hurrah.

Ho Hum Diddly Dum

23 November - Sometimes there are days when not much really happens. They're more common than one would think but I usually manage to get some inanities out of them. Today was one of those days. It was pretty quiet at work - there were several stages throughout the day where there was literally nothing on. Of course, when I tried to secure some food in one of these intervals something would invariably come up (although I did get a few things inside of me today). Nothing terribly exciting from a work point of view but that is probably a good thing because something exciting would involve being sideswiped by a van and i'm quite glad to avoid that. Did have a long chat with the dispatcher about his growing up in the greater BC area and how he has nothing but contempt for most of his family but it was over the radio so most of it was unintelligble. Planning on heading out to a party later on tonight hosted by a friend of one of the housemates but as i've got my usual early start I won't be hanging around for too long, i'll wager.

The Apprecentice Becomes The Master

22 November - We meet again, at last. The circle is now complete. When I met you I was but the learner. Now, *I* am the master.
When i arrived in town this morning i went to get my coffee and sat down to become at one with myself before starting off. I was soon approached by a guy in Novex uniform who introduced himself to me as a brand new starter and told me that i'd been selected to train him that day. He was going to ride along with me that day to see how it was done and he would learn from my vast amount of experience in this industry. It was quite fun taking him along - he was in similar circumstances to me actually. Although a native Canadian who'd lived in Vancouver for quite some time he'd spent the past few years working in IT doing boring Quality Assurance (which ive done in the past myself) but got sick of working in an office. He'd been into riding for a while and thought he'd try his hand at couriering. As i've said before it's not rocket science and even the riding isn't terribly difficult - and it wasn't hard to impart what wisdom i had to him. Had a few little stuffups during the early part of the day, including leaving some diamonds behind at one of the sites and he was havinga bit of trouble locking and unlocking his bike at the speed required to keep in constant motion but it was still a pretty busy day on the whole. Asked another courier for directions at one point and he just laughed and said, 'You're a courier and you dont know where Griffiths Way is???' ... 'I've been in the country for three weeks and i've not been there yet.' What kind of idiot says that??? After a long apprenticeship of about four hours i felt that i had taught all i could to my padawan and so i let him go to seek his own fortune. The rest of the day was pretty busy but nothing like i experienced last week or prior. A combination of it being less busy, more bikers and also me getting used to it i suppose. Was also approached by a girl today who had couriered in Edmonton for three years and was interested in doing it over here so it looks like our litttle team is going may get even bigger, as i know they're still looking. Hope there aren't too manyout there or it might start to eat into my meager earnings (not that i know what they are just yet).
Came home and had some sushi for dinner before watching They Live, a conspiracy theory cult movie that i've been wantingto see for years. I was watching it when the hockey was on (had to return it tomorrow) and wen Chad walked he gave a completelycrestfallen 'Oh', his smile disappearingfrom his face when he realised that he could not watch his precious ball sport (does a puck count as a ball???) p it wasnt as if it was a final or anything ... Sheesh. In any event, the movie was pretty short (very entertaining though) so the hockey was back on by the second period and order was restored.

Sure I don't wear a helmet ... but I don't wipe out either!!!

21 November - Fog was still pretty instense on Monday morning, and visibility was pretty poor as well as temperature being pretty poor too - had really settled into the weekend, hadn't done too much other than enjoy the fact that it was the week's end so I wasn’t too happy about it itself ending. Quaint. Went to the courier coffeeshop and argued with coffee maker over how she was going to make my coffee (canadians have some funny ideas) and went out to drink it. Ot into a conversation with a bitter old lifer - he started talking and I made a casual remark about how cool was and he started to lecture me about what I should be doing for the cold, how what I was doing was completely wrong, how awful the pay is in the industry - especially when one works for Novex, how dangerous the business is - he gave me a bunch of commandments and things I should do and was really quite annoying when all was said and done. Some of the things he said made sense but some of it was just a bitter old man (probably on his 40s but that is really old in this profession if the crowd i've seen is anything to go by) complaining about everything and reall, a guy who doesn't wear a helmet and lectures about safety is a bit of a hypocrit if you ask me.
The day was pretty quiet as far as jobs went - even had time to stop and eat somethng during the day around lunchtime(ish). Unfortunately i'd not brought a sammich and when I did have time I was quite far out of downtown and the first place I found was a McDonalds. The second time i've eaten there since my arrival and each time has been a thoroughly unpleassant experience. The Wendys seems quite good over here but most of the junk franchises (and there are a lot of them although i've not tried them all and hope not to either, unfortunattly I can't promise anything) that i've tried have been very offputting - chips from all of the chains generally seem pretty bad and the mains are just okay to pretty awful. While I was eating a huge ruckus erupted from the mens washroom - the sound of one man beatingthe hell out of another and screaming profanities at the top of his voice. Everyone was pretty shocked until we realised that there was just one guy in the washroom and he was just making as much noise as he could, screaming 'Asshole! Asshole!!! I'm going to f**k you up, Asshole!' over and over whilst kicking the wall for about five minutes. Then, all of a sudden, the door opened and he strode out of the place. And everythingwent back to normal.
Agonised over the markets after work trying to buy some foodstuffs spent far too long in the video store searching for something I hadn't seen, wanted to see (despite having my list of films to see the ones I found whilst being films I wanted to see where not films I wanted to see RIGHT NOW) - eventuallydecided on The Machinist. Very good although cliched psychodrama about a very thin man. I'm not even going to start trying to explain my objections to the overused theme of imaginary bad guys revealing aspects of someone's past but it was as good as any of its thematic cousins and better than most. And Christian Bale's performance as a crazy thin guy was incredible - I would go so far as to say that it was Oscar deserving - that is not to say that his acting was just of a consumate skill and showed the actor's complete immersion in the role, although I would argue that this is also the case - but the reason why it was Oscar deservingis because there were ample numbers of scenes where one just listen to one of his OTT rants, and I would imagine him turningto the camera and start saying 'I'd like to thank the Academy'.
Anyway - good film - tired, but i'm sure i'll be good to go in the morning.

Potted Out

20 November - Woke up early and had a light breakfast before waking up my housemate, Mark, and setting off for a run down and around the local lake. It was a very cold morning and the fog was still very thick but it was really good to get out for a run again. T was pretty short but Mark is keen to make it a regular thing so i'm hoping we can get up to some good distances. Unfortunately didn't do the local half marathon that I think may have been today but there are a couple of others coming up. I find myself really in need of physical rest after fifty or so hours of riding every week but it should all be sending me in the right direction anyway. Slouched around and watched a documentary and did a bit of internet stuff before heading into Metrotown with Rene to watch the latest Harry Potter movie. He was adamant that we go to the brand new big screen big seat big sound cinemas (i was quite happy to see it at the local cheapo down the street) but it turned out to be sold out and it would have been a two hour wait before we could see it so we went to another smaller cinema that wsa pretty cheap and, perhaps due to the spartanness of its facilities, not sold out. Still had to kill some time so we went to A&W, a completely awful chain hamburger store that must have cooked their chips in diesel oil but also spent about half an hour playing Time Crisis before we headed in to the film. Harry Potter and Goblet of Fire was my favourite HP book, it was really the one that made the franchse the smash hit that it became. The first three had a lot of devoted readers but when the fourth arrive it became a phenom not seen since John Grisham made it big and not equalled until Dan Brown's literary excrement broke all the records. One of mfavourite memories about Harry Potter was seeing a ten year old schoolkid and a fifty year old businessman sitting next to each other on the bus both reading the Harry Potter and the Goblet of fire and both being completely nonplussed about anyone judging them on their reading age. The movie managed to cram in just about every salient aspect of the book but it was so rushed that it felt more like the longest trailer ever seen for what could have potentially been the longest movie ever made. As it was a the two and a half hour montage was pretty entertaining and I came out of it thinking i'd got my money's worth although the highlight of the screening was the Marlon brando narrated teaser trailer for the new Superman. I can't f**king wait.

Oh, what a shocking bad hat you've got on ...

19 November - ... You'd better come by my store for a new one.
Woke up early although felt a great desire to keep on sleeping - made some pancakes and watched a few crappy music videos before heading into Downtown - paid for my contact lens and did some other errands including a futile search for my missing spectacles. Got told off by a hotel stooge for having my bike in the hotel despite the doorman telling me to take it in and I wasn't terribly polite with my response. It was a completely clear day when I left the house, still pretty chilly (certainly colder than the warming factor of the t-shirt and shorts that i'd worn to ride in in) but while I was in town the fog rolled into town. At first just the tops of the buildings became obscured and before I knew it it was everywhere. It got dark pretty early and it was like being in a Dickensian nightm ... well, a very foggy night nonetheless. Had an ostrich burger for dinner (kind of like emu) before returning to the house and avoiding the hockey and watching the tail end of 'Frequency'. I do like a good time travel movie. This was not a good time travel movie. Apart from being a schmalzy Disney-esque (may have even been Disney-ee) plot the time travel element was woefully disappointing. Along the lines of the Back to the future, if I do something now, I can save my family in the future genre - it completely ignored the concept of paradox and was not ... I can't say whether time travel could possibly exist (although there have been some scientific experiments which have shown some strange phenonema such as light exiting a crystal before it entered the other side) but if it did, it wouldn't happen like that. I'm looking forward to seeing a really good time travel movie in the near future, or maybe even in the past.

NYC Marathon Winner 'Just Went Out There And Had Fun'

NEW YORK—Paul Tergat, who on Sunday became the winner of the biggest and closest New York City Marathon in history, downplayed the role of training, focus, and strategy in his victory, claiming that his race-winning plan was to "just go and have some fun out there."

"The emphasis in long-distance running is, naturally, most often on results," said Tergat, a native of Kenya who grew up running hundreds of hot, dusty miles a week in his home country for nothing more than the sheer pleasure of it. "Yes, this is a great way to wrap up the year, and yes, it was a dramatic, painful experience—every marathon is. But I would be lying if I didn't say I had an absolute blast every single step of that 26.2 miles."

Tergat broke the tape only a fraction of a second before 2004 winner Hendrick Ramaala after a race-ending sprint to the finish line, a rare sight in the muscle-burning, psychologically grueling world of the marathoner, and which Tergat said was "one of the most fun parts of the day, and maybe my entire career."

"I know a lot of people saw Hendrick stumble at the end of the race, and I know what they're thinking," Tergat said when asked to recap the marathon's final moments. "I've heard the talk. They're saying that after two hours of running one five-minute mile after another, my opponent had been physically and psychologically worn down to the point where he wasn't having as much fun as I was. I don't want to hear anyone say that. Hendrick Ramaala has more fun in his little toe than most people do in their whole body. After all, he had enough fun to dominate last year's race. I was just lucky today to have really, really enjoyed myself this morning."

Although Tergat, 36, did not completely downplay the training regimen he has followed during his long career, he insists that sheer enjoyment, more than the esoteric satisfactions of ambition or self-discipline, is the reason he can maintain his schedule of running 200 miles a week as well as his almost dangerously low body-fat percentage.

"Spectators watching at home think they see how much fun we're having in these major events, which are usually run on paved streets during the year's hottest days," said Tergat, who noted that variety and unpredictability made the indifferently maintained streets of Queens the most enjoyable to run on. "But it's nothing compared to actually being there, feeling the energy draining out of your body, the burn of the lactic acid building up in your muscle fibers, the cramps from hydrating too early or with water of the wrong temperature, the searing ache in your lungs as you fade into a total anaerobic state around mile 18. 'Runner's high' doesn't even come close."

Despite his phenomenal talent for—and pure enjoyment of—distance running, the 2005 New York City Marathon is only Tergat's second victory at that distance. His first was in Berlin, Germany, where he set the marathon world record of 2:04:55, suffered hallucinations causing him to take a wrong turn towards the end of the race, abraded the bottoms of his feet so badly that he left bloody footprints over much of the last few miles, and claims to have had "the most unadulterated outright childlike fun I've had in an entire lifetime on nonstop endurance running."
STOLEN FROM THE ONION

Welcome To The Subculture

18 November - Difficult but incredibly good day today. Got up early and headed into town - sans right contact lens of course. Had a coffee at 885 Georgia (it turns out I DO get a discount because of my new career choice there). Had some incredibly difficult jobs during the day, a couple of items so big that I was baffled that I managed to do them - a box about a metre wide and fifty centimetres on its other dimensions that I had to balance on my handlebars (i was very careful and it wasn’t too heavy); some architectural plans in a one metre square folio and a couple of times I had so many packages that my bag was so overloaded that I was balancing it on one leg and pedalling with only one foot up some pretty steep hills. Also, later in the day, I got sent out over the bridge into greater Vancouver to do some long runs (the dispatcher said that I was the only one with the stamina to do the long runs - and they pay a lot more so I seem to be making a good impression). It's really hard work at times; I know i'm not saving the world by doing it but i'm certainly getting good job satisfaction. At the end of a day of physical labours I feel like i've worked and I sleep the sleep of the just. However, bike couriering is a good way of venting (and creating) excess frustration. I was steaming up a street and was being followed by a truck who was honking at me. I unleashed a stream of virtriol at him (F**k off! You got a problem with bikes???); he shouted at me that he wasn't honking at me so I shouted out a merry apology. Also, crossed paths with a jaywalking woman who was in my path, i swerved out of her way and shouted, 'Don't worry!' and she screamed at me, 'Asshole!' - it appear that couriers are as little like over here as they are by Today Tonight and a current affair. No chance of eating today - one Mars bar between breakfast and dinner. Me and Stu (my co-worker also known as Jonathan) went to a restaurant on granville run by a lovely old Ukrainian woman (i've actually been there twice before) that sells great, cheap Eastern European food (apparently she also feeds the local homeless as well, a bit of a local hero it appears). I find eating there very reminescent of my home away from home in slovakia - certainly going to be going there again.
The contact lens saga continued, I got a call from the optometrist saying that the lens would arrive by Tuesday so I shouldn't worry. I told her I needed it now (i would have settled for Saturday) but after some negotiations Monday was the earliest that they were going to get it. The lens maker said he could get it made today but the courier system they use doesn’t run on weekends and Monday was the absolute limit. Well, good thing I work for a courier company. I spoke to my dispatcher who got the order on and my brand new contact was sent by seaplane from Nanaimo (on an island in Victoria) to Vancouver - it arrived at fourish and I just managed to get to the depot in time to pick it up (this did mean that I missed dropping off my excess packages and manifests but I really wasn’t too concerned about that). So, I can see again. And Vancouver never looked so beautiful.
Have met lots of couriers over the past few weeks - some very nice, some pretty curt. One of the them, Murray, invited me to the Brickyard, the post work meeting place in Gastown (near where my old hostel was). Me and Stu headed down there after dinner - certainly a bikers bar - all the couriers bring their bikes into the bar rather than locking them outside and the place is full of them. Very cheap beer ($2.50 a pint) and live music (i didn't stay for that) and apparently one of the only places in Vancouver where people can smoke inside (the smoking room was a bit overwhelming). Met lots of the bikers properly, who i've only really said hello to on the street and found them all to be capital fellows (and the female equivalent of fellows). Even the curt ones. They're all a bit weird but I felt very welcomed and I think i'll probably make a few new friends.

Blurry but beautiful

17 November - Day started off pretty much as per normal, woke up, washed out my eyes and put in my contacts. Normally it takes a while before my vision completely clears so I headed downstairs and sampled some new granola i'd purchased the previous night. I was reading the news on my PDA when I realised I couldn't see it very well. It appears that my right contact (the one that I need the most because my left eye is so crap that even with a contact it's still pretty useless) had vacated my eye somewhere in the house. Didn't want to panic but my vision was shite and I had to get to work. The only other person in the house, Jason, wasn't much help (he was on a tight schedule) and despite searching everywhere i'd been I had no joy. So, I really had no choice but to head in wearing my glasses (which are not much good at the best of times). Had a flat on the way in and with my eyes in their current state I really wasn't feeling up to changing the tyre so I called into dispatch, telling them I had to sort out some stuff, took it to Simon's (it was going to take an hour so I had to borrow one of their bizarro rental bikes) and tried to find an optometrist. They were all closed until 930 so I did a few jobs before finally getting my bike back and then got in touch with a local lens grinder. Couldn't get in touch with my own optometrist because it was too early but sent off an email to home to see if they could get my prescription sent to Canada - had my first chat with robespiere for quite some time and unfortunattly had to keep it really brief because I was in the middle of a couple of SHTs but he managed to come up with the goods. My Sydney optometrist wanted to get them made there and send them over but that would have taken weeks - i'm blind without them, and he wants to enforce a delay -Robbie had to bear the brunt of my testiness - I probably wouldn't have been so direct if iu'd actually been speaking to the eye doctor himself but I was adamant, "I need the script and I need it right now, there is no argument, just send it to the fax number I gave you, NOW!!!!". Another setback during the day was when I decided that the glasses were doing more harm than good so I put them in my pocket. Are they in my pocket now? No. So, basically, i've lost all ability to see properly at the moment. Pity I could hardly see it because it was actually another spectacular day. When the weather is good, it's such a beauitful city. The mountains are perfectly visible and the air (a bit smoggy at times) is crisp unt light brown (i mean blue). Still managed to do a full day despite the cloudy vision, I was a lot more caeful than normal (not that i'm not usually careful) and the brightness helped. Alo, it really wasn't very busy so there wasn't too much trouble keeping up. Am desperately hoping tomorrow will also be a good day because being blind and wet is not a good combination.
The script was received by the optometrist and they put in the order - hoping to get them by Saturday or Monday, have searched high and low in the house and have had no luck thus far but i'm certain it will be in the premises somewhere - they have to be, I remember putting it into my eye. However, in all likelihood it will probably be found by a shoe rather than a hand or eye. Funny that the same thing happened in Thailand on my last day there but I managed to recover it against all the odds, at least it's happened in the first world where it can be dealt with reasonably painlessly.
Ended up going to Café Deux Soleil for a couple of beers and some open-mic locals with Mark, which was very nice. Stayed out too late and hoping I can get up with not too much trouble in the morning, we'll see.

Report: North Korea Just Enjoys NuclearTalks

WASHINGTON, DC—The Bulletin Of The AtomicScientists published a report Tuesday revealingwhat the international community has longsuspected: The government of North Korea simplyenjoys nuclear talks. "After years of protractedtalks about strategic versus domestic nuclearprograms and launch and delivery tactics, it'sbecome increasingly evident that North Korea'sstalling tactics stem from a deep desire to chatabout nukes," said Ambassador Linton Brooks,chief of the National Nuclear SecurityAdministration. "We are beginning to think thatbehind all this nuclear brinksmanship are 12high-level scientists and politicians who enjoygetting together, kicking back, and making aweekend out of it." Although North Korea PrimeMinister Pak Pong Ju had no comment on thereport, members of his cabinet said they "wouldbe delighted" to get together and discuss thematter further.

Care Package

17 November - Had a pretty brutal day at work got in early enough and had myself a coffee. It appeas (i'm not certain) that couriers may get a discount at one of the places inside 885 Georgia (the place where they all seem to hang out whe they're between jobs) - this is good as it means i've got no excuse to go to that tar boiler, Tim Hortons, any more (i tried it, didn't like it but kept on returning). It was supposedly going to rain (and even snow, according to one baffling report) but it just stayed cloudy all day. It didn't seem like a very difficult day, I did make one mistake (went to pick something up, signed for it, checked it out and left it on the counter) but it all went pretty smoothly. Got pretty difficult in the afternoon and I was completely wrecked at the end of the day. It turns out that the guy who started on Monday quit today - couldn't handle the pace, I guess. The other guy is still with us though - he's a bit full on but he's friendly, which is important. Also got a call from the office (on my mobile, while I was working, which was strange when she could have used the radio) inviting me to the Novex Christmas party, which should be quite fun. Good to meet some of the others besides the other biker, the dispatcher and random drivers who I bump into whilst in the city.
Yesterday, i'd received a notice from Canada Post telling me that I had a parcel that had arrived - today it took me ages to find the place to pick it up, Riding around the neighbourhood, mostly up hills, after my exhausting day was not what I wanted at all. However, a care package containing not one, not two, not ten ... but six tubes of Vegemite was there to be waiting for me. I'm hoping it will last me out for the winter.
Also, didn't get to see it but it appears that Australia have finally made it to the World Cup - what are the odds - well, maybe I can watch one sporting event while i'm here ...

Bootie Call!!!

15 November - Slept in this morning for a whole 20m!!! That meant breakfast was more rushed than normal and I didn't get a chance to make my sammiches that i'd forgotten to prepare the night before. Damn that David Lynch for confusing me so!
Miserable day and it rained a little but not too much - I did break out the booties at a couple of points but they really weren't necessary. One unexpected benefit is that they make my feet really warm - I expect the air can't escape (although it still breathes pretty wellp - and therefore, me, really warm. I was sweating a bit when I was indoors. Very easy day - as the days have gone, but I still had quite a good run. Another new biker joined us today - him and the other guy are both a bit older and have had quite a lot of experience doing it although not recently - i'm not sure whether i'm good at it or not - i'm getting around with no trouble and I don't seem to be making too many mistakes and the dispatcher seems pretty happy (he also thinks i've got experience, which I obviously don't) - I guess i'll find out over the next month or so - if the weather doesn't prove to be too much of an adversary.
I'm taking careful note of the various contradictory weather reports i'm getting from the TV, the AvantGo weather report and also the ones that are on the TVs which are in just about every lift (with lots of little news briefs concerning mainly with the stockmarket, the budget and election crisis in Canadian federal politics and the fact that the Dutch version of CSIRO is going after some people who killed a sparrow that was knocking over their dominos - however, did see a very fascinating and rather frightening statistic [not that statistics can prove anything], apparently 31% of American births are done by C-section, that has got to be mean that something is wrong, either with the statistic or with America)
Night time came and had some rather good value and very tasty Japanese and watched a documentary of Isaac Newton with boring bits of trivia about the interesting man. There were also some truly awful renactments which should have sent me out of the room long before it ended.

It's a beautiful day ...

14 November - Back to work after the long weekend - stayed up a bit late watching 'Unleashed', a martial arts version of Oliver Twist if ever I saw one. It was an absolutely beautiful day today - completely clear, you could see the mountains perfectly from town. Unfortunately (or fortunately if one is sane) I didn't get a chance to try out my new booties but did benefit from some fingerless gloves I purchased - coming in in the morning was absolutely deadly cold on my fingers. Not having to deal with the wet made work a lot easier and things went pretty smoothly. Got a little stressed in the afternoon when I was a bit overloaded with excess packages I couldn't drop off ana backlog of HOT and SHT (super hot or SHIT-HOT as I call it) jobs that just kept on bleeping on my Blackberry - also, some of the people can be complete pains in the arse - they don't want to sign anything because it will make them responsible, some won't even give me their first name because they're paranoid it might go onto our list that we'll sell to the government of potential subsersives who are accepting packages from Novex, which may or may not be a front for a sleeper KGB cell (asleep for so long they don't realise the KGB doesn't exist anymore). A new biker joined us today - nice enough, he's a bit older than us and used to courier about 15 year ago and is just coming back to it. Nice guy though - kind of weird, but then again, most people in this industry are.
Also watched Blue Velvet when I got home (David Lynch, you are a f**king weirdo!!!) and got an email from young Robespierre who informed that he's also following his dream of calculating how the potential wind resistance and type of wood used in the field goals is going to affect NSW's chances in the next State of Origin. If it has to be done it may as well be done by him.

To Watch Or Not To Watch

13 November -Slept in a bit, although not nearly as much as the housemates who had carried on the previous night. Mark had to work and was functioning but Rene was alternating between the couch and the bathroom (where I think he had to orally relieve himself on more than one occasion).
It wasn't a beautiful day, very gray, but at least it wasn’t raining so I felt that I should definitely make the effort to leave the house. Met some friends for coffee in town - got a bit spattered from puddles but did get to try out my new waterproof nylon booties, which seem to do a pretty good job - they'll definitely get a proper workout during the week. Got a couple of DVDs and did some grocery shopping and some general maintenance - we were watching the overnight when Jason came in to make sure that we were aware that their was a Canucks game that night at 7 and would our film be over before then??? It was, I considered watching a bit of the game but decided against - I can mostly follow it with a little help from my local friends (they're more than happy to explain the minutae of the game) but it is, for me, for the most part, pretty dull. I suppose if I watched it regularly I might learn to appreciate it but the way I see it I don't really want to learn to appreciate it. It's sports ... Apart from a sports rom com or the occasional inspirational "true" story and the very rare television event I don't really like sports and I don't think it's a part of my personality that needs developing. So, hockey time, is now Sax time, and i'm going to try to keep it that way.

Unsatisfactory Pancakes and Oversatisfactory MEAT

13-14 October - In the morning Christina left with Mark to go to the airport and on to Ontario. She was very nice, in a quaint, 'I love my small province and fear all that lies beyond its borders' kind of way. I messed around a bit and got some pancakes (not as good as yesterday) before heading into town to get my bike serviced and do some snowboard-and-related-equipment shopping. The rain and the streets were so bad that I could drink it because so much of it was being thrown into my face. A little bit annoying, my shoes were completely soaked through in minutes and my feet became sodden and cold. They were feeling a bit numb the other day (the day after they'd gotten soaked) so i'd decided to purchase some waterproof socks, on the recommendation of a courier who I was discussing weather coping tips with. Another suggestion i'd read on the internet was to simply go with no socks at all. You're wet when you get wet but generally bike shoes dry out for the most part because of the wind and the sun (ha!!!!) and its the sock that freezes one's foot. They were super expensive (about a hundred dollar at one shop and sixty at another (but not in my size)) so I decided to keep on looking or perhaps try the internet option. When I got my bike serviced the bike shop had some special nylon booties that strap over the shoes wihich he recommended in functionality and price. The bike shop guys aren't as nice when you're not buying a bicycle but they gave it a fantastic service for free so I didn't really need them to be my best friend. All snowboarding stuff that was new was way overpriced; I did look at some consignment gear but am thinking I could probably just rent it for the first time or do some browsing on ebay or the other classifieds before I do any commitment. I found my housematt, mark, working at one of the outdoor gear shops I looked at - he was a bit morose from being single again (it had only been a few hour since Christina and him parted) but beer was suggested as an antidote that evening.
Came home, got dry and started to watch a movie with Rene, Hamburger Hill, one of the Vietnam "classics" that seemed to have escaped my eyes, however was interrupted by Jason, claiming the native right to watch 'Hockey Night In Canada', a sacred institution to all these freaking Canucks.
Mark came home and a few of us headed to Memphis Belles for a southern style barbecue meal - very nice (pretty expensive) - kind of like any barbecue place at home but perhaps a bit more what I would expect an 'authentic' place to be like and complete overkill on the scale. Like a temple devoted to the worship of meat - they had a wide selection of animals and too large portions of each. The place got one of Rene's friends, Scott, very excitable and he started to recall the Simpsons episode where Lisa becomes a vegetarian and features a AAA movie about Bovine university - and he recalled every joke and every scene and his every reaction and fondness for that episode. And it went on for a long, long time.
Was planning to head out afterwards but didn't feel too well after my hot beef injection and decided to stay at home and repair a puncture in my bike inner tube - such is the life of a courier.

Rewriting History

TOBYHANNA, Pennsylvania (Reuters) - President George W. Bush charged on Friday that Democratic critics of the Iraq war were trying to rewrite history by accusing the White House of manipulating intelligence to gain support for the war.

George Bush is critcising others, accusing them of being revisionists, saying that it is 'Deeply irresponsible to rewrite the history of how that war began'. The GWB presidency has not been for that long a time, although it might feel that way sometimes, i wonder if he actually remembers the leadup to war the same way we do. Is he deluding himself that they went to war on a lie they pushed or is he just lying now?

I don't know what's worse, an American presidency that deludes itself that it's gross mismanagement is really the best for the world or one that is intentionally trying to screw it over.

Study shows UK TV minorities gap

This BBC article reminds me of something I once read in the dirt. Sure minorities are underrepresented on TV in relation to their proportional representation of the entire population but in USA, Australia and UK the majority of the population is clinically obese but you wouldn't realise that by watching Friends, Neighbours or The Royle Family (well, scratch that last one) ...

Ethnic minorities areunder-represented in some of the maingenres of UK television, a survey hasshown. Minorities account for 7.8% of thepopulation but get only 6.6% of soapparts and 7.5% of factual roles, theCultural Diversity Network poll found. Overall, minorities get 8.8% of screenroles, with light entertainment andsport having the highest levels. The group of major broadcasters saysthe study of prime time TV showed"more work" was needed to achieveequality. The study monitored prime timeprogramming for seven days across sixchannels: BBC1, BBC2, Channel 4, Five,ITV1 and Sky One. It found that 18.8% of people on sportsprogrammes were from ethnicminorities, with 12.7% in lightentertainment roles. Industry awarenessThe level of representation on newsprogrammes was equal to thepopulation level (7.8%). But only 6% of major roles in dramasand fiction shows went to ethnicminorities, compared with 9.6% infactual programmes. Cultural Diversity Network chairmanSimon Shaps, director of television atITV, said: "This important researchshows that the industry is making realprogress but there is still a lot morework to do. "We need to continue to work togetheras an industry to raise levels ofrepresentation in key genres." The survey was launched to coincidewith the group's annual conference,which aims to raise awareness ofdiversity issues.BBC News Online is on the web atbbc.co.uk/news

If intelligent design is true then God's a crap designer

Everyone must have read quite a bit about the the pushing of "Intelligent Design" as a valid alternative to Darwin's theory of evolution. The basic precept is that some elements of organisms are so perfectly functional that they had to be designed by an intelligence of some kind. Also, it holds that there are gaps in Darwin's theory such as a lack of a fossil record to show every step of the way from evolution from single celled life forms to the present day. Another common misperception that the intelligent design and creationist proponents push is that human beings are a more 'advanced' life form and therefore a more evolved one from the other animals we share the planet with.

An example that is often cited is that of the eye. They say that while the eye is of obvious evolutionary advantage there is no advantage in having half an eye or a sub-evolved eye. An eye is a part of an organism that reacts to the light around the creature and the brain interprets that reaction and builds an image inside the brain that is an intepretation of its surroundings. If evolution is to be believed then how could a creature evolve from having no eyes to a complete eye - there are no creatures in existence (they say) that half only half evolved vision - therefore at some point in history some intelligence must have designed a fully functional eye and given it to us. But there is an advantage in having half an eye and there are creatures that have half evolved eyes - anything that is going to respond to the light is going to give a creature a definite advantage in understanding its surroundings and therefore of survival. There are several species of fish who's skin reacts to the light, the brain can interpret this reaction and use it to understand its surroundings. Is this not an advantage? A sub eye is definitely better than no eye at all.

The fact that the fossil record does not show every creature in between us and the amoeba doesn't disprove anything about the theory of evolution. The only way an animal is going to be recorded as a fossil if, when it dies, it has a skeleton that is preserved by its surroundings. If it has no skeleton then there is no record. And, even if it does have a skeleton it is more than likely that the skeleton will be destroyed by its environment long before it has a chance to be petrified and preserved for all eternity to allow us to find it. Even if it has been preserved it is more than likely that when it is uncovered it will be destroyed before it is recognised for what it is. And, all things considering, the fossil record has proved to be far more conclusive in proving the theory of evolution than we could have hoped when one considers all of the mishaps that could have happened to the remains of our thousands upon millions of ancestors.

Many creatures today have leftover traits that are no longer used. If an intelligent designer had built everything on Earth then why would he have made whales and dolphins air breathers? Why would some species still possess remnants of hip bones and even leg bones? Why would a designer give us an appendix that's only apparent purpose is to get infected and potentially kill us? How come so many of us are born with genetic defects? If we're designed how come we're so fragile? In short, if someone did design us why did he do such a crap job???

Intelligent design holds with some aspects of evolution. It believes that there are some minor changes that occur to species through specialisation but it holds that because we are so complex and so complicated that something MUST have designed us. To me, as a non-scientist, this is just bad science. A proponent of intelligent design says I believe one part of evolution because it is obvious and I can see it but I don't hold with another part because it is too complicated for me to understand. Basically, the "scientists" are saying it is too hard for them so they give up and use the creationist claim that God must have done it.