Almost A Dishwasher

28 September - First action of the day was to head out to Camperdown to acquire a clapperboard prop for a film project of which my participation will, unfortunately, be limited to me providing a clapperboard prop. Dispatcher was off with the fairies this morning and as he was ignoring my repeated requests for instruction I ended up hustling into the city to drop off the board and the 68 Pitt trip that i'd inexplicably been forbidden to deliver the previous night. Was soon moving but in a seemingly random and ridiculously planed out way - from the city to Woolloommoolloo to the cross to woolloomooloo to surry to chippendale to pyrmont to the city to north sydney to the city to surry to the city to ultimo to the city to ultimo ... I was in a foul mood all day - probably the most fed up and angry as I’ve been since I took this job. There was no apology for the crap routing and there were a few trips that had results that had me fuming - having to go to places without being paid, long distance low paying returns, unpaid reattempts, ridiculously overweight packages, unpaid wait time, disgustingly circuitous quests to find the mailroom, and my radio stopped working. I even swung by the base when I was on the north side to get it fixed or replaced (or even just looked at for crissaakes) but when I got there I was told that the boss was away and he was the only person who could do anythingabout it. The dispatcher didn’t even come out and see me - everythingwas done over f**king TXT - I think that's just crap employee relations. Came home and did another carload of gear over to the new place and then went out for some Thai at 'Spice I Am' - very nice meal - below average springrolls but excellent sweat inducing prawn curry and fried pork belly with crispy basil was excellent. Pity we couldn't pay for it. I’d left my wallet at home and only had a little cash, Sam's purse same deal but no money at all. No identification either. No choice but had to offer our services as dishwashers. Well, maybe it was because of our honest countenance but they were content to let us pay the next day - just took down Sam's phone number and let us go on our merry way. In fact, I was rather disapponted that they weren’t more suspicious of us cause that could have lent the situation a bit of drama and I might actually have something interesting to write about. But it wasn't so I don't.

Creative Conception

2 September - This is not a good week for sleeping ... Work got going pretty quickly (quarter past eight - that's golden) - it felt like a really good day, constantly moving and usually in the right direction. Whilst 'standing by' on the north side was joined by Scooter and a little bit of a chat - he'd given me some directions earlier on the day which was nice but he gave the directions like clues for a treasure hunt (which way does berry st go? Therefore, 107 must be ... Yes, don the hill!) which was kind of irritating. Still don't think I like him too much but he wasn’t offensive which was a positive. Had a very brief look at all the expensive bikes in the bike expo in Martin Place - apparntly Bike Week is kicking off soon, or maybe it's already here. I 'm not really sure. Evening offered a creative meeting with Patrick James and Simon 'Shifty' McKenzie - some very good stuff discussed over far too much beer. PJ looks like he'll befilming the World Championships for us and I think there will be some incredible footage to be had. Just the video of the races and some interviews would be great but I think there could be definite potential to develop it further into a documentary of some type. However, another key bonus from the night was gettinga lot of background information about the sydney courier community - shifty's been in it for years and he also happens to be housematts with scooter (who's not really my nemesis but he's an individual who seems to pop up pretty often in my brief sydney career) - good person to know, Mr Mckenzie, and I think this meeting could be the start of some interesting.

Che Lives ...

26 September - ... And he wears lycra.
Suffered in the morningfrom last night's late one but it was really really quiet so I was hardly being challenged. Had a different dispatcher during the day, Leslie, who probably wasn’t as good at dispatchingas the regular guy but certainly seemed very cheerful (as much as personality can come through staccato chatter over the radio and texted commentary) - he informed me that the nickname that's been given to me in the office is 'Che' (Cucvara-Guevara geddit???) and whilst I wasn't certain if that was just something that popped into HIS head that day there ar certainly worse nicknames that one could have. Unfortuantely, 'Pedals' hasn't seemed to have stuck. Afternoon got a little better but certainly not a great day by any standards - was reminded that Scooter is a surly bastard (a couple of News Limited reporters approached us asking if they could do a bit of aninterview and they started by asking if we were Australian - S's response - what, do we look like scummy backpackers? - not the first time i've witnessed hostility from him for no reason whatsoever, they hadn't even told us that they worked for News when they approached us - that would have been understandable, even encouraged if they had) - made a trek out to gordon with robespierre where we were fed very well by mater and my total takings from the visit amounted to coffee, coffee grinder, TV guide, bagful of change ($10 easy and thecar - not a bad haul for a visit. Also got two cheques from various insurance institutions - one satisfactory and one not satisfactory. Work needs to be done. Moved a few things into the new house, which is currently occupied by Sam and dave, all seems very nice even though full of boxes - walking up the stairs scared me a bit because saturday is seeming rather scary.

Can I offer sir a canape?

25 September - Very slow start to the morning with a couple of irritations including having to ride up and down the horrific Foveaux St a couple of times due to the incompentency of one of the clients. A bit of news came in over the network - apparently Richie (very nice chappie who happens to be getting married next week in Mauritius - hence the stag night on Sat) had his bike stolen from outside 232 Sussex - admittedly, he hadn’t locked it all which in my mind is a bit silly - if I can’t see it I lock it although admittedly am forced to freelock it far more often than i'd like. The APB was issued but it was far too late for anythingto be done about it - almost certainly the culprits would have escaped underground via the trains and the next time we see the blue and white Avanti we'll probably see it being ridden by a German tourist. The afternoon got reasonably better - was very surprised at my total at the end of the day, ususally I get a disappointing number that seems completely unrelated to the exhaustion I feel at the end of the day but today was actually pretty good. Maybe my expectations have just been given a pessimistic reality check but it wa a fine number nonetheless.
In the afternoon young Mr Templeman gave me a call, asking me (begging me??? Doubtful) if I could do him a solid and help out at a function at the AB that night. only plans were to head to gordon and pick up mum's car (and obviously see me mammy as well of course) and that could esasily be delayed and I thought it could only be a bit of a laugh to try it out. Good clothes still located over at gordon (that is if one doesn’t consider bke jerseys to be 'good' clothes) so had a bit of a struggle to put together the appropriate attire, most importantly the shoes. Well, i'd always wanted to know what it was like to live the life of Robbie Cucvara so I thought i'd try walking a mile at his shoes (and at the end of it, I was a mile away and I had his shoes). Peter (AB owner) and James seemed very grateful for my presence (almost too grateful) but that was more than made up for by the surliness of Tony the duty manager - for the night's function, a 21st birthday for a ... 21 year old local(ish) lad my task was to hand out canapes and do general dogsbody duties. Most excellent canapes I must say - peking (Beijing?) duck pancakes, meditteranean meatballs, salmon puffs, mini sang choi bau (which I didn’t get to try), coconut prawns, tandoori chickken, curry puffs and bruschetta. All washed down with a couple of grand's worth of grog. Most of the guests were pretty nice - very strange being on the obsequious side of the serving industry for the first time in about 9 years - felt a bit unsettling trying to push food on people while they were in the middle of D&M conversations but it was all eaten so they were obviously not too bothered by the interruptions. Suffered through some very boring speeches but the actual partygoers had the benefit of being drunk so they may have enjoyed them. Also, at the end of the night there was a horrific car crash on bridge/glebe roads (almost certainly caused by a high speed police chase) but apparently nobody was killed - always gives me a chill these days. Peter had insisted that the kitchen cook me somethingfor dinner (the canapes pretty much took the edge off my gargantuan appetite) but I did take the ab's specialty omelette home - it may well have been the best omelette i've ever eaten but unfortuantelyely the fact that it was cold took away from some of the glory - pork, chicken prawns, onions and mushrooms all bundled up in six eggs, ... Have to try a fresh one methinks. Fun night but the late shift made for a very longday and even just standingaround can be tiring so don't think io'll be too regular an occurrence but that's up to mr t I suppose anyway.

Sexy Redheads

23 September - Nightmare morning of bicycle maintenance - on Friday i'd called Cheeky Monkey, a courier's favourite, to see if they had a set of bullhorn handlebars. Was told, yes, they did. Great, i'll be in tomorrow to buy 'em. No problem. However, by the time I got to the bike store in Newtown on Saturday morning (after a decent pancake breakfast of course) and after standing around the store for 15m with nary a 'i'll be with you in a second' I told them what I wanted and I was told, 'oh, we sold them yesterday'. Right, great, I muttered as I stormed out of the store, never to be seen there again ... A boycott? Ooh, you'd better believe it. Areal shame - Cheeky Monkey is one of the courier favourites, almost certainly because of their proximity to the city (used to be just at Central station) but, to me, it seems they must be trying to move away from that clientele because Newtown is just too far away for couriers to go to if they have any needs whilst working. In any event, found myself at couple of different bike stores with not much luck until I came back to my old Inner City Cycles of Glebe, a place i've never really been too fond of but they had what I wanted and when I couldn’t fit the bars through the steam I brought it in for them to do - left it with them for 15m and came back to find that the mechanic had snapped the stem forcing them through so he'd donated a very nice chrome one piece so it would work. However, now the brake lever wouldn’t fit and I had to go to CBD for Alex to put on the bar tape - they had nothing in stock so had to go to Clarence St Cyclery, a place that doesn’t offer a courier discount and also happens to be boycotted by the majority of Sydney's courier scene - well, they had the exact brake levers that I wanted and they haven't annoyed me to the point of boycott ... Yet, so made the purchase. All sorted now, just the config that I wanted and it onlytook four hours. Red handlebars make for a very sexy girl and perfectly suited for practising riding brakeless. Very happy courier. After this met with Evil Jodi for a café who was looking for a hot pink toilet seat and then went off to Jeannie's place in Wolloomoolloo (i'm sure i've mispelt that one) for a very nice barbecue - thought it would be courier only but was very wrong - most excellent food and tidbits - and very wide variey of guests -felt a little bit shy though and hid in the corner for a while. Broke off for a while to head down to richie's (Biker 106) stag do where got a little bit more drunk and had a slightlywobbly ride home.

Scent of Summer

24 September - was determined to get out to the beach today but couldn’t get a hold of the few that i'd hoped to convince to accompany me. Admittedly, didn’t make a hell of a lot of an effort to do so. Didn’t have to worry as I knew I could just call Ms Mills who was conveniently located in just the area I wanted to go. Braved the locall Gleve laundry for the first and hopefullly last time aand primed myself with caffeine. A pretty uneventful but enjoyable and almost brakeless ride over to Coogee - was provided with an excellent light lunch before heading down to the surf (ensured that I had my own swimming shorts and wouldn’t have to rely on PJ's) - by the time we got down there the beach was pretty rammed although it was windy and the clouds had obscured some of the sun's brightness and warmth. The water was cold enough to shock me into deciding that I didn’t really want to spend too much time swimming - but I did make it into the water and that's the most important part. Headed back to the house and picked off the sleeves of one of my crisis jerseys (which took f**king forever) and was soon joined by PJ who gave me a bit of a rundown of his latest projects - wandered up to the tennis courts and hit around for about an hour and tried to decide what the theme should be for this summer. Despite kate's exhortions of the benefits of whites and tennis i'm thinking that something new must be discovered but I think it will all come in good time. Rode back homewards and visited the soon to be new housemate, tried to avoid watching Idol, with varying degrees of success ... Not really sure how the new livingarrangements are going to work out now - Australian Idol, not a good sign.

FW: READ CAREFULLY

Who'd of thought, there ae more Cucvaras in the world, and in Malaysia of all places.

-----Original Message-----
From: "frank lee"<lee_chamber003@yahoo.com>
Sent: 23/09/06 2:08:09 AM
To: "saxifrage2020@gmail.com"<saxifrage2020@gmail.com>
Subject: READ CAREFULLY

Dear Sax Cucvara,

My name is Mr Frank Lee.I am a legal practitioner at
Law Firm in Kuala Lumpur,Malaysia. I saw your contact
and profile I decided that you
could cooperate with me in this proposition. I have a
client who was deceased in November,2005,in Kuala
Lumpur, Malaysia by name (Mr.Mike Cucvara)

I am contacting you because you have the same surname
as my deceased client and i felt that you could help
me in the distribution of funding that were left in my
deceased client's bank account.

This funding is closed to be declared UN-serviceable
by the bank as there were no indicated next of kin or
next of beneficiary of the funding in the bank
account.

The total amount of cash in the bank account of my
deceased client is US$3.5 Million ( THREE Million,
FIVE Hundred Thousand US$)only.

The bank had issued to me a notification to contact
the next of kin of my deceased client for either to
re-activate the bank account or to make claim of
beneficiary of the funding in the bank.

My proposition to you is to seek your consent, and to
present your humble self as the next-of-kin and
beneficiary of my deceased client, since you have the
same last name with him.

This means that the proceeds of his bank account would
be paid to you as his next of kin or the legitimate
beneficiary.

When the proceeds in his bank account are paid to
you, we would share the proceeds on a mutually
agreed-upon percentage of 60% to me and 40% to your
kind self. All the legal documents to back up your
claim as my client's next-of-kin would be provided by
me.

The most important thing I would need is your honest
cooperation in this proposition. This would be done
under a legitimate arrangement that would protect you
from any breach of the law.

If this business proposition offends your moral and
ethic values, do accept my sincere apology. Please
contact me at once if you are interested by replying
the mail and ignore it if you are not.

Best regard,

BARR.FRANK LEE (Esq).

__________________________________________________
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I don't feel like dancing, no dancing for me today ...

22 September - A very quiet morning was somewhat mitigated by a very hot afternoon (in more ways than one) - found myself loaded up with expresses and double expresses (the equivalent of the HOT and SHT) but had no problem getting them delivered on time even though I had to do a little bit of doubling back and had to ride straight pass a few drops a couple of times (under dispatcher orders, always a bit upsetting even if it has to be done for the 'big picture'). For the first time in a while I even had a real lunch break - about 15m or 20m or so, had desperately hoped to be able to get a big-ass sandwich but the queue was going out the door so I had to settle for BBQ King Chinese - a respectable lunch for your standard run of the mill office drone but not very appropriate for a member of the immortal class. Far too much grease and fat and whilst delicious it really sits on one's stomach when riding around for the balance of four of five hours. Drank a slurpee after work and then had a beer - whilst sittingat Martin Place some gentleman (ex-courier) who had a beef with Chris took it upon himself to attack him with a length of chain - Chrii wasn’t really paying attention but Chris took off with him in hot pursuit - it s amazing to see the couriers mobilise and chase after this other fellow - having not beingpaying attention to the situation the rumour quickly spread that someone had tried t steal a bike but that wasn’t the case and the gentleman was calmed down although he did look quite the fool if you ask me. After this headed to Newtown via home to meet with Skye before bussing back INTO town to the 'theatre royal' (???) at MLC centre to see the Nick Cave music inspired modern ballet show, 'Underland'. Well, incredible bodies and incredible athletic ability (i was told many years ago that of all the different types of athletes dancers are the fittest - Robespierre disagrees but that's because he doesn’t like the idea of a nancy boy being stronger than a bully boy) - choreography was very impressive although some of it seemed a trifle 'modern' (?) for my taste - I had to ask the question - if I could make my body do the types of things that the dancers could would I make my body do the kind of things the dancers could? The answer is no. Headed back to Skye's place, smoked some weed, ate a hamburger and chatted for a while before the week caught up to me and I realised it was time to make a move. Stopped at the newtown bakery on the way back and got a loaf of freshly baked bread that was too hot to slice. Can you believe that? The bread was too fresh to be sliced - unfortunattit was so warm that it was crushed to space bread proportions on the way home but it made a nice piece of toast. And that's what its all about.

Where the hell am I?

21 September - After waking up in a strange bed I realised I was still in Willoughby and I had a slightly longer commute before I could log on in North Sydney. Picked up a new battery for the data and then one trip and then sat around bored smokingcigarettes and drinking coffee for half an hour before I headed over the bridge - only to find a manic maelstrom of trips popping up all over downtown and seemingly thrown on me with no regard to a planned route to pikndrop. Was very irritated when operator told me I should have picked something up earlier than I did - based on the trips I had when he mentioned it, yes, it would have made sense, but, B-U-T, at the time when he intimated I should have made the pick it was actually near the end of the route. Far too difficult to explain that over the crappy texting tool we use so I just shook my head and cursed the next three generations of his line. Also not too happy when he told me to hurry up. I wonder what he thinks i'm doing when i've got a dozen picks and drops to make? Still, very satisfying when it's all over. Rest of the day was nothing like that but busy enough to keep me sweating like a horse when an evil dark age magician time travels to the present day. Something about the afternoon guy reallyirritates me - I hardly ever talk to him as everything comes over the texting tool - maybe he's doing a few channels at once but he's such a curt bastard and seems immune to my humorous charms - all his messages are prewritten templates and at the end of the day after everything's over he always says 'Standby For 10m' and then forgets about me - sometimes i'm at home before I realise that according to him i'm still out in the middle of SUrry hills or downtown. Wanker. And, I still don't know his name. In any event, when I did get home I watched movies and ate a lot. 'Ray' would have to be the dullest biopic i've seen in a while - I don't care if the actor 'channelled' the man (although mr charles may still have been alive whn the film was being made so he couldn't have really been channelled - could he?), he did have an interestingstory, but that film was not it. Got to listen to all the songs, learn a few home truths (managers will try to screw you, drugs are bad, mixing gods music and devil's music is a sin) but really, iit was a struggle to keep my eyyes open. My review - worth seeing if you want to watch a movie and it's the only thing available to see (which it was).

Excessive Fromage

20 sep - A fairly decent day - very hot - lots of riding, blah. Admired the Australian flag boxer shorts of a japanese tourist who seemed very pleased with himself - I didn’t have the heart to tell him that they were underwear - perhaps he knew, he certainly didn’t seem to care. Took advantage of a little lull in the afternoon to swing by Chez Cucvara Pyrmont to steal some pepsi and satay sticks (a boy needs his afternoon sugar rush - it could very well be coming up to slurpee season, I need to brush up on my slurping whilst riding skills if that's to be the case though) - last trip of the day was from 1 o'connell all the way to a dodgy residence in little albion st - got there, was told by the guy who answered that there was noone living there by the recipients name, got told to take it back to 'the Paper Shredders' then once I returned it I was told that the guy did live there and I had to rush it back over again (apparently his neighbour who lived at the same address had never heard of him). As I wandered off I was tryingto negiotiate my closing down for the day with the after-5 dispatcher and i heard someone shout my name - chris and flash invited me to join them for a beer at the KB - both of them very nice but they're longtalkers - remind me a bit of ghostrider from van, they can lecture you on thing. After pullingaway from them I got home asap because I then had anther ride over to WIllougbhy - an awful ride at the best of times but even worse in early eveningtraffic. Very long, very sweaty, very sketchy at times (the Miller St hill going down o the 'northbridge???' is very worrisome on a fixie surrounded by traffic) but made it there eventually - had much discussion and planning with Mr Gray and ate a pizza with way too much cheese on it but i'm a courier so I can eat whatever the f**k I want and it doesn't matter, so there.

WIEMLC?

19 September - Spectacularly nice day - so nice in fact that it warranted United States Postal Service knicks - I was warned by Shifty that US blue doesn't go well with Crisis green but Carson Kresley threw that myth out the window years ago. The morning was an excellent run with long lines with multiple drops, multiple picks from buildings, loaded circles and easily defined routes. However, come afternoon, a short gap followed by riding from one side of the city to the other, up and down the horrible hills of East Sydney and Surry and not a moment's rest throughout. Also it seems that the norith sydney bicycle police are out in force - saw a bunch of them on their matchingwhite mountainbikes and excellent utility belts (they would be perfect for a courier sans the gun (or maybe even with the gun) - tried to act real friendly like and throw them a ave but I was ignored - probably thought I was giving them an osscene gesture which I might have been subconsciously. Heard that it was a record tempature for a September and it was pretty warm a few times throughout the day - interestingto see what it gets like in the middle of summer. In any event, it's only Tuesday and my hands and feet are numb, aches all over my body and my disposition is not as sunny as the day was. Still, a half decent number of trips (i think) and seemed to please the dispatcher. My new housemate came over for a 'cup of sugar' and then decided it would be best for me to drive the car back - fun being behind a wheel for the first time in a while - found myself at a red light and had to stop myself with a slap on the wrist because I was edging out to run it - you can't do that in a four wheeled machine. When coming home I was waitingat the lights patiently when Canadian Reed zoomed past me, blowing the red and getting a little toot to boot.

The Reluctant Running Man

17 September - Today I had my return to running. First competition since the 10k seawall run in vancouver that I did at the end of October and the first run at all since me and kristl ran around Stanley Park soon after my return from America in ... April or May? Sydney's marathon day it was and I was really not interested at all in running this day. I was in no shape for doing the marathon or even the half with my current levels of nicotine and tar inhalation and running the shorter 9k bridge run felt like a sad admittance of not being capable of anything more. Well, EK had just been embiggened by her participation in a fun run last week and was desperate to do this one and I was the only person she knew who could be convinced to do it with her. Reluctantly registered fo the 9 for both of us and before I knew it i'm standing in a crowd of a couple of thousand people, inadequatly stretched and in dire need of a cappucino. Megan Gale (for some reason I do not like this quasi-celebrity), perhaps its her constant association with wanker of the year Rove McManus) fired the gun and after twisting and weaving through the crowd for the first k over the bridge I soon found myself in an uncomfortable canter, bum and legs and lungs all burning nastily, but it really wasn't that bad at all. It seemed hardly any time at all when I saw the 7k signpost and then it was literally downhill from there - a young bloke with a mullet and a blue singlet became my nemisis and we chased each other into the finish line (i have absolutely no idea which of us crossed the line first) although we shook hands afterward and I immediately threw up some bile. 38minutes 20s (which should be reduced a little bit because of the delayed start). Tracked down me mum although it took a while before I found EK and robespiere's lackluste mobile battery made reunion a little more difficult. Crowds too big by the time I got to the recuperation part so I missed out on all the goodies, pancake place in the rocks is closed for renovations hich made me reallyquestion why I did the run at all? Saw some marathon runners come through and felt a little bit of shame - not a lot but was not feeling the elation I should have felt at finishinga run. Decided I had to get out of here before tony abbott completed his marathon - would not be able to look that man in the face knowing he'd done the marathon and I hadn't. Very average pancakes with imitation syrup at some place in Pitt st mall followed by picking up chevette from nsyd, havinga recuperating bath in Pyrmont and negotiating the closed down roads to get home where I considered the day. A bit of bike maintenance (fixing front brake and cleaning and tightening chain) and very expensive shopping outing - looked for new batteries for my bag lights - each battery cost as much as the original light and the light needs two of them - and, even after replacing them one of the lights refused to work. Very aggravating. Also tried to find a replacement for my pen-stylus which was destroyed by a passing taxi on Friday evening but far too expensive, all I want is a stylus-pen (which is really all anyone would want from the device) but the manufacturers insist on adding an LED and a laser pointer just so they can charge $35 for the entire package. Bastards. In any event, managed to use a tin opener and some sticky tape to put it back together again ... Kind of. Had a very nice evening over at ruthnades, a roast of proportions that would best a lesser man but I was up the challenge. Nice yorkshire puddings too.

GoT KeYs

18 September - Woke feeling veysore from yesterday's running - nothing overwhelming but aching everywhere, even m arms and shoulders which weren’t being pounded on the road - had a very average and very expensive coffee before getting my first trip downtown. Reasonably cruisy but uneventful day - most notable events included chain falling off while going down a hill and had an afternoon coffee knocked off the bench and straight onto my foot - whilst not at the McDonalds temperature it was sufficiently burning enough for me to have to rip off my shoe and let it cool (there were no lawsuits and the cafe was replaced so everybody went home happy). I suppose i should have been happy to have a reasonably easy day considering my physical state but never happy about having a quiet day. Main event of the evening was signing the lease to 28/13-23 Gibbons Rd, Redfern (that happens to be my new address) - far too tired to be excited about it but looking forward to the new place (not looking forward to bending the laws of space-time getting things out of The Garrett and then breaking the backs of my friends getting said things up the four flights of stairs (five if one includes getting to my room).

A Nice Coffee

16 September - Woke up and my first thought was - where the hell am I? Flashes of the previous night of booze capped with mary jane helped to explain why I was sleeping on a remarkably comfortable couch. Took a while to get going but dropped by a local caf for breakfast and was very disappointed by the pancakes - first of all, no bananas like the menu promised, they didn’t bring the (imitation!!!) syrup until I pestered them for it and the pancakes themselves were cold, flavourless and soaked with the acidy juice of the berry compote that it came with. A boycott I say! Well, it will probably be a while before I have the opportunity to be in rushcutters so I can boycott the place but it's on my list. I think it was called Ash's café. Consider yourself warned, ash's. Also, afterwards james made a coffee - it was verra nice (happy, james?). Afternoon was pretty uneventful - read a little, wrote a little, ate a nice macaroon and tried a few nice wines at a liquor store's exhibit (one EnZed wine made from a variety of grape with a german name w particuarly delicious - incredibly smooth and not tart at all) but I was far too cheap to buy them. Had planned on spending the night over in North Sydney to make for an easier arrival for the harbour bridge run the next morning. Due to the fact that I had not done a competition run for 9 months and had not run at all for at least 5 months I was a little hesitant about it - thouht about running over in the evening but by the time I headed over it was already lateish and I thought i'd the best that could happen is that i'd hurt myself so took the rolling solution and got over there in double quick time. As young Ethan's birthday was approaching a thomas the tank engine ultimate set had been purchased in celebration - a fairly impressive toy as they go but a rather fiendishly challenging process of putting it together - reasonably complicated but incredibly big (2.5 x 1.8m) and had to be done on the floor (wooden floorboards that were very brutal to my knees and wrist) - also, despite the hundreds of pieces of track and road there was no way it could be set up without doing it to the specific plans in the box - from my cursory examination of the instructions I concluded that there was no configuration that could be made that wasn't exactly as the box specs - in my mind a trainset has to offer the option of creating your own designs - every track set I ever remember offered that, lego, train sets, scalectrix (was that what those car sets were called?) - very strange.

Biker Down, I Repeat, Biker Down

15 September - A fair number of trips in the morning but a hell of a lot of riding up and down some very steep hills to get them. All was going reasonably smoothly throughout the day although a few sketchy moments dealing with the local traffic - sydney drivers can be very aggressive (well, relative to Vancouver anyway). Often they dont notice the bikes on the road but occasionally they do and it really feels like they're intentionally trying to force me off the road. Not good, not good at all. The afternoon turned out to be reasonably hot, it turned out because we only had 7 bikes on the road - No 105 Jamie had apparently been called into the office whn he was on the north side and was subjected to a bit of verbal abuse from the dispatcher after which he decided to go his own way. Am sure there's a bit more to the story than his version but it's certainly a shame to see him go (if the Vancouver industry is anythingto go by i'm sure he'll appear on the streets in a few days working for another company). Unfortunately, this was the day that Nigel came out for drinks - nice to have a proper meeting with him although it was a pretty poor showing and he was very quiet about the reasons as to why we were down a biker in the afternoon. My experiences with him have been pretty reasonable and it's hard to believe that he said what he was supposed to have said but i dont doubt that he, like most people, has a dark side (and you really dont want to be on the wrongside of your dispatcher). Pretty exhausted by the evening but did go out to the AB with Angel and Sandy for a couple of cocktails (a very decent martini and Victor and Peter (the owners) very generously provided us with a gratis round, can't remember what it was called but it had campari in it) - did a little bit of a bar hop to Surrey Hills for a beer or two (which really started to push my limits - dont drink when exhausted) then found myself over at Mr templeman's house in Paddington where i believe i passed out on his couch. Hurrah.

Less reunions, more trips ...

14 September - My mastery of the elusive art of skidding has come in leaps and bounds and I still haven’t crashed which is very assuring. Whilst i'm nowhere near a point of being able to ride brakeless I finally seem to have the feeling of how its done. Looks like i'll be spending a lot more money on tyres if I keep it up though. Have had a few sketchy moments where i've been on a downhill and have tried to skid only to rip my foot out of the clip and then accelerate rather than slow and my hands are on the ends very far away from the brake. Bumped into quite a few people from the past today - school chum (well, actually, not a chum at all but someone who I went to school with who I didn’t hate) who was a receptionist (or something) at an ad firm, old work chum (once again ... Not reallya chum but etc etc) from optus and the lovely lady from the North Sydney Bakers Delight who upon seeing me all decked out with silly hat, helment and glasses said to me, 'You're back! How was Canada?' - obviously their sales of cheesymite scrolls have been lagging. A fairly decent day of work all things considering but there was a lot of riding to do them and absolutely buggered by the end of the day. Planning for world domination will have to wait until tomorrow.

On notice

13 september - A rather slow day at work with a few very frustrating times - especially one half hour spent looking for an elusive suite at Jones Bay Wharf. Didn’t feel particularly great all day but they can’t all be wonderful. Paul called me up in the afternoon saying that somebody had reliably informed him that I wasn’t wearing my Crisis jersey and I told him, 'Absolutely not' then the battery on my phone completely conked out. Furiously texted a hasty explanation through dispatch but apparently it was 222 who wasn’t wearing it (and every other goddarned courier who works for crisis!) - found out the moving date for the new place and gave notice to the landlord, all seems very amicable - the day will be 30th of September, so anyone who happens to see this missive and lives in the greater Sydney area who wishes to help will be supplied with pizza, beer and some other little titbits for their trouble. Entertained PJ and KC (pj loves kc, kc loves pj ... Bddumbdum bdum ...) and was very upset when kate wouldn’t get out of the goddamn kitchen, therefore exposing the fact that the meal was in fact a stir in sauce (albeit, a rather expensive one) - oh, the same! The shame!!!
The infringement notice arrived in the post today as well, f**k. What to do?

Spandex Man

11 september - A lack of laundry meant breaking out the spandex knicks today - something i'd always aspired to do in Canadia but never had the nerve for - nobody really seemed to much care or notice however - something definitely not the case in Vancouver - so therefore when I was dropping off around town I was presenting the package I was there to deliver and the package I was not there to deliver ... or was I? One of the hardest days of rain i've had downtown - far more sodden than I ever got in Vancouver but it was also constantly brightening up so I was dried and soaked and dried and soaked and it wasn't terribly comfortable - especially as I crossed the bridge five times each way - never a pleasant ride, far too bumpy and a powerful hill at the North Sydney side - still a fair day as days go. Didn’t finish until half five and various necessities involved a rather protracted journey back to the north side where I abused my parent's generosity and and had a therapeutic and quickly resolved fight with my dad that ended with mostly diffused tensions, minimal loss of honour on both sides and a feeling of camaraderie afterwards. Another protracted journey back Glebe way with a failed search for a doughnut.

Canadian In Disguise

12 September - Cause I was waiting for laundry to dry I was forced to wear Novex shorts and cause it was raining I had to wear my Novex jacket (even though its a pretty useless and uncomfortable jacket - and the fact that it was raining meant there was no real point in waiting for the other laundry to dry) so for the most part I was dressed exactly as I used to in Canadia - no real problem as most of the Crisis guys rarely wear uniforms and none of the clients ever seem to notice our logos - and of course, where should I have to go in the afternoon but back to the base where I had to see Paul, the first time since i've seen him since I got a verbal chiding for not wearing my uniform (the one day that I didnt) - fortunately he was probably aware of the rain so he wasn’t going to question the fact that I was wearing a jacket, regardless of the fact that it had another company's logo on it. If they're not going to provide specialised wet weather gear they can't complain about us wearing whatever he have. I’d hoped to have a little confrontational showdown over this but unfortunately he was too distracted to give me the pleasure, which is a shame because it might have enlivened my day a bit. Had an altercation with a taxi driver who I harmlessly tapped when he stopped right ahead of me and had an extended argument and a to make a a plea and unfortunately a very reluctant admission of gult - apparently he's got five kids to feed. The way I see it I eat as much as five kids at the moment but he was very earnest. Bit of sitting but some good moments and the wet weather is providing an excellent environment for me to practice skids which I think I should pretty much have within a week or so - the body is learning - consumed vast quantities of food upon my return home which could have been a result of having burned an enormous amount of calories in the day or could have been from the inhalation of an appetite stimulant or it could have been the result of both. I guess we'll never know. Did a miniature tune of Chevette - the great thing about a fixie is that there's nothing to do - very good for someone of my mechanical ability - had reed around who would have been very useful had anything of a desperate nature turned up but all seems well - considering the rough treatment she's been getting lately.

Flame

10 september - Went to café appetite in redfern (around the corner from the new place) in the hope of pancakes but they just freedom toast, which was very average at that (also very stingy with the strop - something that seems to be very common in this country - I know maple syrup generally comes from Canadia but over there it seemed to be just as expensive as it is over here so I can’t see what the problem is) - got caught in the rain again on the way back via the shoppes - it comes and goes but when it does come it comes down f**king hard. Watched some DVDs and read a little before heading over to Petersham for another little reunion - this time with Jodi, ate some food, offered some technical assistance, went for a bit of a ride around the backstreets and on the footpath (didn't get a ticket this time - f**king flatfoots). In evening, saw Asterix and Obelix Take On Ceasar - finally got to see the live action version of the comic that I knew and loved - live versions of cartoons are rarely great and this one was no exception - the OTT fight scenes were okay, Gerard Depardieu and Roberto Benigni stood out pretty well, I learned the French names of all the characters but it was pretty much a hodge podge of a couple of different episodes - worth seeing because it existed but not something to write home about (writing online about on the other hand?). Didn’t think it really explored the ethics of using a potion to duplicate people only to have them explode into a bunch of bubbles - being obliterated forever. Oh, the humanity.

Me Mi Mo, Me Mi Mo

9 september - More rain and wind to welcome me into the day - had some pancakes from DigiKaf, which ar very respectable in flavour although rather small (they're also incredibly stingy on the strop and you've got to squeeze it out of them) but they're always giving me a free coffee card for the next meal so the chain reaction seems to be perpetuating itself. Afternoon went out to Ran'wick (got caught in a sudden if somewhat expected soaking downpour) to a reading of some up and comer's new play - a scintillating detective comedy of errors about the plague of tree poisoners that has unleashed itself upon an unsuspecting Coogee. Quite a lot of fun although the freeform was a bit disconcerting and afterwards had a beer and then ate Peruvian for dinner. Very nice meal, vveeerrrryyyy ssssllllloooowwww service but one thing I was most pleased about my meal was that it was something i'd never eaten before - supposedly a stir fry but with special Peruvian potatoes and beans that was a completely new taste sensation (not the best thing i've ever eaten but a new thingand that's got to be good). Quite late by the time it was ll over so took a rather circuitous route back to Leichhardt (longway to Newtown then Enmore, Stanmore, etc ... Leichhardt) for a beer and a toke and some bad television with good company. Did you know that it was actuallya military plane that crashed into the second tower and not AMerican Airlines Flight 77? Also, U93 actually landed an hour or so before it supposedly crashed into a field. Did you? Neither did I .... On the way home an idiot decided to open his door right in front of me and then stick his out so he could throw up onto the street - this close to taking him out in a very compromising position.

Above The Law

8 September - What seemed like a promising morning with, while not a prince's ransom from a stamp makers place, at least a duke's or a baron's ransom, was collected. Turned onto King St and passed Pitt St Mall looking for No 135 - realising it was likely the next building I rode onto the footpath intending to alight my bicycle but before I had a chance a f**king flatfoot boy in blue shouted at me to get off my bike and show identification - I shrugged and went to lean my bike against a pole and he shouted at me again accusing me of trying to escape and threatening to arrest me on the spot. I tried to explain that I was just putting my bike down but he started aggressively telling me that riding on the footpath was illegal - excuses of I just got on the footpath so I could get off my bike were given short thrift and before I knew it he's telling me that an infringement notice is going to be sent to my address. 'Well, I'm going to contest that!', 'That's your right under the law' ... Perhaps my attitude could have been a bit less assertive and a bit more obsequious but my other recent encounters with police figures - specifically when being caught blowing a red in Canada and speeding in the USA - have been when i've been in the wrong. There's was no arguingthat I hadn’t actually run the red light and I knew I was in the wrong so I just apologised and admitted fault and hoped for the best - I could have aruged that it had been safe to do so but that's just going to antagonise a cop. Similarly, in Oregon I knew i'd ben going much faster than the posted speed limit and i'd also just started driving in a foreign country on the other side of the road so I was hardly confident about my place on the road. But today, I knew I was in the right and this cop was just havinga power trip and I wasn’t going to suck up to him when I had done nothing wrong (admittedly, that time). In fact, not 5m later when I went for a second drop at MLC centre a block up the road the same two cops were there hassling Chris (from Toll Fast) for the exact same issue - I think he got off better than I did. Then we both had to follow the same cops up the escalators to get in and do the drop. Pricks. That obviously put me in a slightly uneasy mood for the rest of the day and I felt really paranoid that I might have been doing somethingtechnically illegal every time I saw a policeman or police car. However, a massive swathe of expresses throughout the rest of the day includinga very profitable bridge run and a completely useless bridge run (took one trip over the bridge and nothing back). It didn’t actuallyfeel like I was run off my feet today but the dispatcher actually thanked me for doing reallywell so suppose it was a good day. I wonder if it was a Crisis good day, or a Novex good day? Also, the first day I didn’t wear my uniform is the day when I had to drop into the office and predictably got told off for not wearing my crisis jersey - of all the Crisis people I think i'm the only one who consistentlydoes wear his uniform and of course it''s me who is the one who gets into trouble for it.
Very late finish because the last two drops were closed meant riding home in the dark and then onto East Sydney for a game of texas hold'em with rowan and the boys - my first game since Vegas (Vegas, Baby, Vegas!!!) - I was a bit worried because these boys had been playing semi regularly in my year away and it had been a while for me but I shouldn’t have been because there was the exact same arguing about rules and how to play, how to bet, the ranking of the hands - it's a lot more fun to play with people who are completely not professionals (i always love when someone throws down his cards - pushing away the pot because they say they've got nothing and it turns out they have a frush). Came in a respectable second after discounting my stake and my shar of the pizza I was up $5 - hurrah. A 15m discussion on how to split up the pot was eventuallyresolved, I hope ...
Five people put in $20 to the pot.
Winner gets $70 but has to pay an increased shar of pizza and second gets $30 and pays a regular shar of pizza.
Pizza costs $40 and is paid by credit card for one person. Share of pizza cost is $20 for winner and $5 for everyone else.
Therefore, winner gets $50 back from pot (70-20 for pizza), second gets $25 (30-5 for pizza). $25 for pizza costs go back to payee (who happened to be a loser) and two other losers each pay $5 to pizza payee.
Easy? I thought so but I don’t know if it ever got resolved by the time I left ...

Chicago, Schmicago ...

7 September - Got woken up at 5ish by the rain pounding down outside - it was cold, it was dark and I did not want to deal with it. By the time I left the house the rain had mostly eased and I was sent in for a princes ransom from a stamp dealer - the rain came and went throughout the day (the Novex jacket got a bit of a workout - forgot how uncomfortable it was though), including some pretty solid showers but the wind ... F**k, going over pyrmont bridge I was leaning into the wind at a 60d angle, crossing Wentworth Ave from Oxford to Liverpool the blast was so violent that I had to walk it - and even then my bike was being blown around like a rag doll and not a machine made out of steel - could barely hold onto it. Have resolved to stop ... STOP ... Showing off in front of other people with my spectacular dismounts until i've got them down pat. My shorts snagged onto my seat this time so when I leapt off the back my hands and feet were disconnected but I was clipped in via my crotch. Into the wall!
Expanded my professional delivery person skills into moving a cabinet with Matty G in the evening in exchange for a bowl of thin gruel - ridiculously heavy and I singlehandedly solved the poincare conjecture in calculating the only way that f**king cabinet would get through that f**king doorway. Calm.

Burn

6 september - Best day thus far workwise - logged on and sent straight downtown and was pretty much moving all day including some pretty satisfying hot runs. Still getting a bit annoyed at having to do the majority of the communication with the base all via text - typing out responses on the crappy little onscreen keyboard, you can get the point across but i've never been much of a fan of the SMS thing anyway and now beingforced into a variant for my job is a bit much. Still, was given the praise of 'u r a very efficnt rider', which was very pleasing - in any event, I don't like to work efficiently for the customeres or the company, it's just so that i'm conservingenergy and reducing entropy and keeping the universe around for that little bit longer. Finished up in 1 York St on L15 so went down to L14 to visit my old recruiters from Candle to remind them that I still exist but I still wasn't interested in the jobs they were offering and also saw a couple of the Optus crowd - very nice to see them but things we have in common seem to have diminished even more since the lastt time I saw them - what ar you goingto do?
Are the ABC comedies and variety shows any better than the commercial ones? The Glasshouse and Spicks N Specks (don't even get me started on the chaser crowd), the celebrities are just as irritating and patently unfunny as their commercial counterparts, they've just got a slightly less inoffensive poltiical persuatsion. It can't just be me - i've tried watching them on multple occasions under the hope that i'd just seen a bad episode but no, they're always bad, and yet they're allowed to go on and on and they praise each other and laugh at each others jokes and the audience is told to laugh along or maybe they're strange and really are amused which is even more disappointing. Oh, I don't know. This rant ends here.

Caltech Physicists Successfully Split The Bill

Stolen from the onion...
PASADENA, CA
Sequestered in a private booth at a Pasadena-area Cheesecake Factory for nearly 25 minutes, a party of eight California Institute Of Technology physicists emerged exhausted but visibly excited Friday evening after successfully splitting the bill. "This is an important day for us, not only because it marks Professor [Wayne] Newbury's birthday, but because we have accomplished a feat thought unimaginable ever since [late computational physicist Philip] Eisenreich found that it was impossible to calculate how a group of paired bodies, set in motion by the presence of a solid-state check, could come to rest at a non-variable, evenly distributed mathematical constant," said lead party organizer and theoretical physicist Dr. Cynthia Dreyfuss. Before the arrival of the check, several early bill-splitting theories were proposed, including a simple process of dividing it into eight identical fragments, the Random Contribution Model, and a theory posited by Newbury himself&#8212;who insisted that he was bound to treat everyone&#8212;which was widely rejected on the basis that it would undermine the whole objective of the evening. "When the check came, we all immediately agreed that the total of $284.57 could be defined as an irrational number of dollars for a party of eight to spend at a chain restaurant," said Dreyfuss. The team of physicists decided to test Dreyfuss's Pay For What You Ordered Algorithm, which hypothesized that it was possible to determine what each individual owed by defining variables such as the cost of one's entrée, the total number of beverages one consumed, one's percentage of the sum ingestion of the component parts of the Firecracker Salmon Rolls and Buffalo Blasts, and "six bucks toward the birthday boy's meal." The process, however, was hindered by Heisenberg's uncertainty principle, as group members failed to document how many drinks they ordered, and those sitting in the vicinity of graduate student in particle physics Susan Politzer suspected that she deliberately falsified her findings regarding the resonant frequency with which she consumed the $7.95 El Diablo margaritas. "According to the Distribution Of Wine Theory, everyone should chip in $5 to pay for it," gravitational-wave specialist Arjun Patel said. "But after careful observation, the theory falls apart: the bottle never moved from the other end of the table, and Tom Steinbaum was clearly seen staggering in a non-uniform circular motion whenever he got up to use the bathroom." As the bill approached absolute zero, the scientists found that the closer they got to completely breaking it down, the more difficult it was to calculate. "When we kept coming up short by $15, we thought the solution might lie in a damped simple harmonic oscillator, so we mapped complex modes of vibration in diatomic molecules, found the zero-point vibration of the n=0 ground state, studied the motion of atoms in a solid lattice, and formulated the theory of heat capacity," Patel said. "Turns out we were on the wrong track, but it was helpful to know what definitely didn't work." "Then we remembered to factor in Kiminiski's Constant," Patel added, referring to the integer named after planetary-physics professor David Kiminiski, who departed before the check came but left a $20 bill. While determining the tip would normally have been dictated by the Law Of Gratuity, which holds the sometimes volatile figure steady at 18 percent, factions within the group nonetheless argued over two competing theories for dealing with the problem: standard variations, and the newer 20 Percent Courtesy Hypothesis. "Taking into consideration the fact that [mathematical physicist] Hideo [Akuri]'s Cajun Chicken Littles were primarily made up of dark matter, the waitress's low kinetic energy, above-average mass, and weak attractive force, we devised a formula in which we moved the subtotal's decimal point one place to the left," Dreyfuss said. The group celebrated by making plans to all go out to Charlie's Steakhouse next weekend in an attempt to find the largest prime rib.
The Onion | September 5, 2006 © Copyright 2006 by Onion, Inc. All rights reserved.

Be careful with the send button

5 September - Apparently yesterday's missive was sent out before I wrote it ... Well, it's not terribly important because it wasn't the most amazing day although I did have a very amusing observation on the Carlyle Group and the methods in which a courier could abuse his position as the lowest participant of the sinister group's machinations to engender an era of peace and prosperity for manking but that was yesterday so i'm not too fussed about it. Perhaps it was the fatigue of readingthe Watchmen till the wee hours that did it but in any event that kept me from waking until 745 where I had a mad scramble to eat a meagre first breakfast and throw my clothes on before I was sent to hang out in Ultimo just past 8am to wait for the first trip ... Which didn't turn up until 9. I think i'm going to have to have words about this - or, I could just hang around the house and tell the dispatcher that i'm in Ultimo ... After the very slow start to the day things really heated up for a while and I was crisscrossing the east and west of the city at a fair clip. All was going swimmingly until I misread the operator's routing intentions - dropped something off that was probably a little bit out of my way but it was heavy only to get a sharp rebuke telling me he wanted to do that much later and then to prove his point he gave me a trip with a destination at the place i'd just dropped to. Well, if he'd sent it to me before I obviously would have realised. We can't all be telepathic, and truth be told, I don’t think i'd want to be - I can guess the thoughts that go through some of the city folk's minds throughout the day and I don't think I 'd want to be exposed to all that negativity. Had another flat near midday - curiously enough,very close to the Central Bike Depot - very convenient because I could purchase a tube without having to haul my bike halfway across town - almost TOO convenient actually. I'm not accusing anyone of anything but it's very possible that the CBD staff are surrepetiously scattering tacks and glass and other tyre holers in the immediat tarea of the shop forcing people to come to them for quick repairs. Conspiracies can be small as well as large. Rest of the day was fairly busy and uneventful - was suppsoed to meet a friend for a cup of tea at 530 but had a hot run that ended at 525 and after that I was told to hang about for 19m but managed to escape - zoomed back to glebe in doublequick time - it was 15m away, I was there in 5 ... It seems redfern is now definitely ours, sign the lease next week, but still don’t have a moving in date, saw Clerks 88 in the evening, reasonably amusing, at least for a film that features interspecies erotica, and that was bout i

You Know It's Spring When The Postmen Are Wearing Their Little Blue Shorts

4 September -
Spoke to insurance company - apparently work hasn’t sent all info in, one of the two is badly organised
Crappy morning, crappy afternoon - the middle was pretty good
Delivered package for the carlyle group - secret controllers of the world (along with the trilateral commission and starbucks)
Old codger admired my velocipede
Bought the new bicycle ... A centurion - pretty old, wheels are a bit big and handlebars a bit wide but would make a nice fixie
Saw samira and dave in the evening and sorted out details for flat - looks like i'll be living in redfern

Twang

2 september - I have an aversion to public transport surpassed only by my hatred of paying for a taxi.
Pretty horrific hangover to start the day - I really can't drink like I used to - got up pretty early but couldn't really get active until the afternoon where did a bt of house hunting and found a few promising prospects- whilst waiting for a phone call I thought the pretty fantastic weather would be ideal for riding down to the bay and cyclingaround my old running route. Got clad in my spandex and canadian socks only to find out that the rear tube had gone flat - decided to time myself fixing it but after replacingthe tube I realised that the valve had disappared - meaning it was impossible to inflate - borrowed a tube from the landlord and then spent an age trying to get the rock hard tube in the new rim. Eventually was ready only to get an invite out to Coogee for a little dip in the ocean. Twas a bit late but wasn’t very far so raced over that way - and just as I made it to the top of the rather gruelling Alison Rd I heard a twang and my front wheel was wobbling like a XX. A spoke had snapped completely buckling the wheel and I had to go and find a bike shop for a spare. Wandered towards the vague direction of oxford st on the promise of a close bike shop but nothing and when I did find one it was closed. Moved slowly back in the direction of my house with no open bike shops in sight. Couldn’t fix it that night and very annoyed for having come so close and yet so far from Coogee I tried to salvage what was left of the night by heading to coogee way (was not for going to let one broken wire from preventing me from making that journey)a quiet movie and pizza with the coogee folk. Had originally planned on a more festive evening but the previous night ruled that out completely - then spent over an hour waitingfor the fabled 370 on glebe point rd - decided it wasn’t going to turn up so made the arduous trek towards Central for the 372 where I was told that the 370 doesn’t leave on saturday evenings anymore (have to wait for dst no less) - it would have helped to have slightlyclearer signage but we can’t expect those kinds of things from the statt government these days. Eventually made it to Coogee and ate pizza and watched a movie - aand in the end that was all I wanted to do.

Sorry You're Not A Winner

unfortunately my hope of a chain reaction of free mars bars ended tonight with a 'sorry you're not a winner'.

Zen And The Art of Bicycle Maintenance

3 September - woke up in coogee - no hope of a sleepin as had to get back cityside to see a place in redfern that had been favoured by the potential housemates - very nice owner, private rental, pretty cool inside, ratty outside, slightly dodgy but very convenient area and best of all, cheap. Headed back to glebe where I had perform the necessary surgery of mending chevette's front wheel. Have never had a broken spoke before, almost certainly weakened by the crash, and didn’t really know exactly how it was supposed to be done. the mechanic at the shop instantly told me he wouldn’t be able to do it for me that day (oh how I miss simon's fix it on the spot mechanics) but gave me the vague theory of how to do it. Took an age to get the tyre off the wheel (the old rims are very different to modern ones - impossible to get new tyres in or out) and then the delicate lifting off of rim tape, removing the old butt, twistingthe spoke into position before screwing it back in. After I got it in I had the incredibly fiddly fine tuning to tighten the spoke just enough to pull the wheel back into shape. Eventuallygot it to 'good enough' and then had the horribly frustrating time of gettingthe tyre back on and there was a lot of swearing and crying before it finally popped in its home. All in all, one and a half hours - but, I may have learned something. did the longride down to gordon to celebrate father's day with my mother (dad was there as well) - got fed, gt my laundry done and did some stuff on the computer (i wonder if they realise that the only reason I come over is to abuse the facilities - well, they probably know now) then headed back homeward richly laden with clean underwear and leftover chinese food - got to st leonards and what do you know, another flat - with no spare tube. Cursing the non existent gods I did a roadside patch job and whilst not without much frustration it all worked out pretty quickly and pretty effectively - was waiting for the hiss letting me know the patch wasn't holding but it never came so very chuffed with my success. Did a bit of socialisation to finish the evening and .... Oh, nothing really interesting happened so i'm not going to pretend that it did...

1 in 6 Man

31 August - Finally back at work after my little hiatus and apart from general stiffness and pain in the morning there was hardly any discomfort from the spasm at all - that's not to say I wasn't suffering in other ways - a bit over a week off means having to get used to punishing myself every day (and hadn't really gotten used to it since my return to Australia anyway). There was a bit of sitting around in the morning and there weren't a huge number of jobs but a lot of riding - crisscrossing the city and jumping the bridge a few times for only one job at a time - if i'd been here longer I might have been pissed off. Found a nice pair of socks and bought an overpriced 14mm spanner (for some reason Chevette's front wheel uses 14 and the back the standard 15, very annoying to have to carry two). Also bought a ridiculously expensive Mars bar at a north sydney 'convenience' store but I was the 1 in 6 and I won a new one ... I haven't yet opened the second one but wouldn't it be great if when I opened that one I won another Mars bar and then when I opened that one I won another one ... And it would go on forever, and i'd be called '1 in 6 Man' and i'd have an endless supply of chocolate. Wouldn't that be great?

Another warning?

1 September - On Thursday night when I rummaged through my bag looking for some spare change I was rather unpleasantly surprised to find a trip left over from the day - urgent banking no less. THey'd given two packs of cheques and i'd only dropped off one. There was nowt that could be done about it that night but the bank was pretty close to where we usually hang about for coffee so I thought i'd be able to get rid of it without anybody noticing. I swung past the bank at 9am onlyto find out it opened at 930 - then sent out to Surry Hills and it was 945 by the time I was clear in town again - luckily, just a few streets away from the bank. About to speed off to the destination when who should give me a call but Nigel, the operator, askingcuriously whether I remember a certain trip the previous day. F**k. Feigned ignorance, pretended to find the trip and dropped it off - nothing escapes these people. No big deal but an irritant nonetheless. Prety good day all in all marred by a couple of rather nasty accidents - not me this time, praise be, but some very unpleasant incidents nonetheless. Adelaide Mike went over a car and busted his bike but not himself - his fault as well, which is a rare admission in this world and worse, especially as I heard the aftermath unfold over the radio, Movie, one of the Scottish crisis guys was racing down George St and a jaywalker stepped right out in front of him and he ran straight into her. He may have stopped but went over the handlebars and his mouth went straight into her head. Apparently she had a gash in her scalp which was nothing compared to Movie's injuries - a couple of his front teeth were knocked out and one splintered in his mouth and a couple of the bottom ones were knocked loose and were hanging on by his gums. He spent the afternoon runningaround trying to get them fixed and was hanging around Martin Place at the end of the day - dorphed up on painkillers and marijuana. Pretty horrific stuff and not the kind of thing that reassures one about this choice of career. Headed over to the Clar afterwards and got a little bit drunk - wwas joined by Hubert, a german architectural intern who's going to be hangingaround for the worlds - you can take the beer out of germany but you can’t take the beer out of the germans - very wobbly ride home. Also found out that we lost the place in bridge St, despite having put down a deposit - very annoying. I had such a good feelingabout that address.

Home?

30 August - Third attempt to rectify my spasm with needles - feeling a hell of a lot better and there's a lot less stiffness - riding, walking, stretching all seem to be pretty painless, just the occasional bump or twist or jar that will send white hot pain coursing through my nerves and soundless screams out of my mouth. But, apart from that, all seems okay. Swapped out my old giant brick of a radio that didn’t work for a slightly smaller working model and then checked out a couple of bike shops looking for a holster for it with no luck. The rain inspired me to upgrade my tyres and got some very sexy red treaded ones that go very well with Chevette's colour scheme although it did take about half an hour before I had them all in (new tyres are always a lot harder to sove in the rims than ones that have been softened up a little). Looks like myself, samira and david may have found a new residence - good feeling about the address (Bridge St - will be my fourth bridge I believe) but apparently there's a bit of interest in it so I won’t be holding my breath. Dumplings at the chinese noodle shop with kate followed by a coffee and a cookie and discussions on the future of the royal family. I don’t think they'll last.